The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
General
The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"
Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 19th century -- Fiction; Satire
We wanted Sir Roland to deliver his speech next; but he said, perhaps
too loudly, "I never follow sweeps;" and presently the House was
listening to a gentleman, who is always heard with pleasure for his
brave manly sentiments, impartiality, and scorn of all pretences. He
demolished the Bill, in most admirable style, putting all the arguments
against it, better than our side had put them; and then to my surprise
declared, that in spite of all that, he had made up his mind to vote for
it.
This brought up Sir Roland, and his speech was very fine. Strong
indignation made strong words; as the wrath of the billow creates its
roar. "For finicking argument what care I? Can a man split straws with a
dagger at his throat? Eternal shame falls upon our land, that any man in
it should have dreamed of such an act. The man who proposed such an
outrage, must have done it, as a lesson towards the stabbing of his own
mother." For this he was loudly called to "order;" but disdained the
call, and went on reckless. "Where can I find words strong enough? The
difficulty is, not to fashion, but to find them. Language has never been
made for such cases; for what tongue could have told, that such a case
would ever be? Yet, perhaps, it was as well, that there should be this
defect; for what language could move lunatics?" Here there was a great
row; but Sir Roland's voice was strong. "The word I have used may not be
of high courtesy; but it is of deepest charity. I can look across this
House, with my hands hanging down, solely upon that supposition. Her
Majesty's Ministers love to leave us in the dark. They keep us so
still--whether common sense demands their consignment to
strait-waistcoat, or to the gallows."
Seldom perhaps has any "limited number of human beings" made a greater
row--except in some Liberal massacre--than was now to be had, in all
sizes and samples, among men whose names are watchwords. I saw--though
he tried to do it quite behind his hat--a Right Honourable Member, whose
name is fame, make a trumpet of his hand, and blow out the most hideous
screech that ever quelled a "railway-hooter;" and I could not have
believed my eyes, unless my ears had been at the back of them. In a
word, there was no word, neither any sense among us, head being gone
universally, and body left working about, like a worm cut in two.
In the thick of this turmoil, Lord Grando came up, and shook hands with
Roly; who was now as quiet, as the stump of the match, that has blown up
the castle.
"Something like a maiden speech that was," he said; "but the guillotine
maiden, I'm afraid my dear fellow. And we shall operate first upon our
own heads. However, better that than slow poisoning."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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