'Faix,' screamed in much indignation an old Biddy sitting opposite, 'if it's the vulgar Irish you want to avoid, and the English you want to be meeting, it's to hell you must go, and you'd better go there this summer.' That's the sort of quick retort which a Scotchman calls Irish insolence, but then, who expects appreciation of real wit from any one canny? Wit is irresponsible, a truly Irish propensity. The two mincing young women were almost as much disgusted as another old lady who found herself opposite a stalwart working man, who incensed her by his frequent expectoration. Gathering her skirts round her somewhat ample form, she called the conductor and asked:-- 'Is spitting allowed in this tram?' 'By all manes, me lady,' was the gallant reply, 'shpit anywhere you like.' While alluding to trams, I cannot forbear relating one other Dublin tale, which Lord Morris picked up from me and was fond of telling. Its brief course runs thus:-- 'Would you tell me, if you plaze, where I'll find the Blackrock tram?' asked a fussy little old woman of a policeman, busily engaging in manoeuvring the traffic of a crowded street. 'In wan minute you'll find it in the shmall of your back,' was the laconic reply. The mere allusion to a query suggests how the British tourist invariably starts trying to discuss the Irish question directly he is across the Channel, and the insoluble part to any Saxon is that half the Irish do not seem to desire a solution at all. 'What a fine country this would be if it were peaceful,' observed a thoughtful Britisher, with a Cook's ticket in his pocket, on Killarney Lake. 'Peace! What would we do with it?' was the scornful reply of his boatman, surprised for once into ejaculating the truth. Some landlords know how hopeless it is to attempt to prevail against these sons of our epoch. 'It has been of no use to hold up a candle to the hydra-headed devil,' said one landlord to me about his tenants, 'for affability is more expensive than absenteeism. If I say, "Good morning, Tom," the fellow expects twenty per cent. off the rent, and "How's your family?" is considered to imply forty per cent, abatement'--and that cannot be called putting a premium on good fellowship from the landlord's point of view. I have not said much about the way in which the Irish in America foster insurrection, because it does not come within my own province. But I have before me the type-written essay on the subject composed by a Kerry landlord, who, in his lifetime, had exceptional opportunities of judging of this in New York, and from it I am tempted to take a few sentences as the manuscript is never likely to see the light of print. 'There are three distinct types of the Irish-American Home Ruler, who have been and are even now supporting with their dollars or their eloquence, the "Irish Cause" as it is somewhat vaguely termed throughout the United States. They can be distinguished as follows:--