The Restless SexChambers, Robert W. (Robert William)
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The Restless Sex
Chambers, Robert W. (Robert William)
American fiction -- 20th century
She was very silent, too, listening to his impetuous, broken
avowal—suffering his close embrace, his lips on her eyes and mouth and
throat once more. The enormous novelty of it preoccupied her; the
intense interest in his state of mind. Her curiosity held her
spellbound, too, and unresponsive but fascinated.
She lay very quietly in his arms, her lovely head resting on his
shoulder, sometimes with eyes closed, sometimes watching him, meeting
his eyes with a faint smile.
Contact with him no longer frightened her. Her mind was clear, busy
with this enormous novelty, searching for the reason of it, striving to
understand his passion which she shyly recognized with an odd feeling of
pride and tenderness, but to which there was nothing in her that
responded—nothing more than tender loyalty and the old love she had
always given him.
The grey tranquillity of her eyes, virginal and clear—the pulseless
quiet of the girl chilled him.
"You don’t love me, Steve, do you?"
"Not—as you—wish me to."
"Can’t you?"
"I don’t know."
"Is there any chance?"
She looked out across the studio, considering, and her grey eyes grew
vague and remote.
"I don’t know, Jim.... I think that something has been left out of
me.... Whatever it is. I don’t know how to love—fall in love—as you
wish me to. I don’t know how to go about it. Perhaps it’s because I’ve
never thought about it. It’s never occupied my mind."
"Then," he burst out, "how in God’s name did you ever come to marry!"
She looked up at him gravely:
"That is very different," she said.
"Then you _are_ in love with him!"
"I told you that he fascinates me."
"Is it _love_?" he asked violently.
"I don’t know."
"You _must_ know! You’ve got a mind!"
"It doesn’t explain what I feel for him. I can’t put it into words."
He drew her roughly to him, bent over her, looked into her eyes, and
kissed her lips again and again.
"Can’t you love me, Steve? _Can’t_ you?" he stammered.
"I—want to. I wish I did—the way you want me to."
"Will you try?"
"I don’t know how to try."
"Do your lips on mine mean nothing to you?"
"Yes.... You are so dear.... I am wonderfully contented—and not
afraid."
After a moment she released herself, laughed, and sat up, adjusting her
hair with one hand and resting against his shoulder.
"A fine scandal if Helen should come in," she remarked. "It’s odd to
think of myself as married. And that’s another thing, Jim. It never
occurred to me until now, but I’ve no business to give myself up to you
as I have to-night." She leaned forward on one elbow, musing for a
while, then, lifting her head with a troubled smile: "But what is a girl
to do when her brother suddenly turns into her lover? Must she forbid
him to kiss her? And refrain from kissing him?——" She flung one arm
around his neck impulsively. "I _won’t_ forbid you! I would have to if
I were in love with you in the same way. But I’m not and I don’t care
what you do. And whatever you do, I adore anyway."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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