The Restless SexChambers, Robert W. (Robert William)
General
The Restless Sex
Chambers, Robert W. (Robert William)
American fiction -- 20th century
"Cleland, I would gladly have shot myself then, had that been any
solution. But there seemed to be only the one solution.... She has
told you, I believe?"
"Yes."
"Well, that was what was done.... I think she cried all the way back.
The Albany Post Road seemed like a road through hell to me. I knew then
that Stephanie cared nothing for me in that way; that my place in her
life served other purposes.
"I don’t know what she thought I expected of her—what duty she believed
she owed me. I know now that the very thought of wifehood was abhorrent
to her.... But she was game, Cleland! ... What line of reasoning she
followed I don’t know. Whether my love for her touched her, or some
generous impulse of renunciation—some childish idea of bringing to me
again the inheritance which I had forced on her, I don’t know.
"But she was game. She came here that night with her suitcase. She was
as white as death, could scarcely speak.... I never even touched her
hand, Cleland.... She slept there—behind that curtain on the iron bed.
I sat here all night long.
"In the morning we talked it over. And with every generous plucky word
she uttered I realized that it was hopeless. And do you know—God knows
how—but somehow I kept thinking of you, Cleland. And it was like
clairvoyance, almost, for I could not drive away the idea that she cared
for you, unknowingly, and that when you came back some day she’d find it
out."
He rose from the couch and began to pace the studio slowly, his hands in
his pockets.
"Cleland," he said, "she meant to play the game. The bed she had made
for herself she was ready to lie on.... But I looked into those grey
eyes of hers and I knew that it was pity that moved her, square dealing
that nerved her, and that already she was suffering agonies to know what
you would think of what she had done—done with a man you never liked—the
son of a man whom your father held in contempt because—because he
considered him—dishonest!"
He halted a pace from where Cleland was sitting:
"I told her to go back to her studio and think it over. She went
out.... I did not think of her coming back here.... I was standing in
front of that cracked mirror over there.... To get a sure line on my
temple.... That’s what shattered the glass—when she struck my arm
up....
"Well, a man goes to pieces sometimes.... She made me promise to wait
two years—said she would try to care for me enough in that time to live
with me.... The child was frightened sick. The terror of my ever doing
such a—a fool thing remains latent in her brain. I know it. I know it’s
there. I know, Cleland, that she is in love with you. And that she
dare not ask me for her freedom for fear that I shall do some such silly
thing."
He began to laugh, quite naturally, without any bitterness at all:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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