"MY DEAR FATHER:--You will see from Georgie's telegram that we
shall be leaving England to-morrow. I did not tell you this
before because it would have meant so much explanation, and if
we once began explaining things I don't think I should ever
have gone at all. And I had to go. Believe me, I was convinced
that in going I was doing the best thing for you. I thought you
had been making sacrifices for my sake, and that you would be
happier without me, though you would not say so. Whether I could
have brought myself to leave you without the help of this
conviction, and whether I have the conviction strongly still, I
cannot say; it is hard to be perfectly honest, even with myself.
But now that I have gone I simply can't come back again. Not
yet. Perhaps never, till I have done the things I want to do.
"Of course you will be angry--it is so unexpected. But only
think--you would not be angry, would you, if I married? You
would have considered that perfectly legitimate. Yet it would
have meant my leaving you for good. And what marriage and
settling down in it is to other women, seeing the world and
wandering about in it is to me--it's the thing I care for most.
We do not talk about these things, so this is the first you have
heard of it. Think--if I had been very much in love with anyone
I would have said nothing about it till I was all but engaged to
him. It's the same thing. And it will make less difference to
you than my marriage would have made."
Here Frida's pen had come to a stop; with a sudden flight from the
abstract to the concrete, she had begun a fresh argument on a fresh
page.
"I only mean to use a third of my income. The other two thousand
will still go to keeping up the property. I have left everything
so that my work could be taken up by anybody to-morrow."
The Colonel's eyes had dogged Durant's down to the bottom of the
sheet, when he made a nervous attempt to recapture the letter. It
was too late; the swing of Frida's impassioned pleading had carried
Durant over the page, and one terse sentence had printed itself
instantaneously on his brain. He handed back the letter without a
word.
The Colonel drew Durant's arm in his and led him out through the
window on to the gravel drive. Up and down, up and down, they walked
for the space of one hour, while the Colonel poured out his soul. He
went bareheaded, he lifted up his face to the heavens, touched to a
deeper anguish by the beauty of the young day.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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