Antisemitism -- Fiction; Jews -- Austria -- Fiction; Middle class -- Fiction; Vienna (Austria) -- Fiction
The door opened and closed again. George was alone in the street. His
head was dazed, his heart oppressed. He went a few steps, then took
a fly and drove home. He saw the dead woman in front of him, just as
she had stood in front of the stage door on that bright summer day in
her red blouse and short white skirt, with the roving eyes beneath the
reddish hair. He would have sworn at the time that she had a _liaison_
with the comedy actor who looked like Guido. Perhaps that really was
the case. That might be _one_ kind of love and what she felt for
Heinrich another. Really there were far too few words. You go to your
death for one man, you go to bed with another--perhaps the very night
before you drown yourself for the first. And what, after all, does a
suicide really mean? Only perhaps that at some moment or other one has
failed to appreciate death. How many tried again if they had failed
once? The conversation with Grace came into his mind, that hot-and-cold
conversation by Labinski's grave on the sunny February day in the
thawing snow.
She had confessed to him then that she had not felt any fear or horror
when she had found Labinski shot in front of the door of her flat.
And when her little sister had died many years ago she had watched
the whole night by the death-bed without feeling even a trace of what
other people called horror. But, so she told George, she had learned
to feel in men's embraces something that might be rather like that
feeling. At first the thing had puzzled her acutely, subsequently she
thought she could understand it, but according to what the doctors said
she was doomed to barrenness, and that must be the reason why it came
about that the moment of supreme delight, which was rendered as it
were pointless by this fate, plunged her in terror and apprehension.
This had struck George at the time as a piece of affectation. To-day
he felt a breath of truth in it for the first time. She had been a
strange creature. Would he ever meet again a person of a similar type?
Why not? Quite soon, as a matter of fact. A new epoch in his life
was now beginning and the next adventure was perhaps waiting for him
somewhere or other. Adventure...? Had he a right still to think about
such things?... Were not, from to-day onwards, his responsibilities
more serious than they had ever been? Did he not love Anna more than
he had ever done before? The child was dead, but the next one would
live.... Heinrich had spoken the truth: Anna was simply cut out to be
a mother. A mother.... But he thought with a shiver: Was she cut out
at the same time to be the mother of _my_ children? The fly stopped.
George got out and went up the two storeys to his apartment. Felician
was not yet home. Who knows when he will come? thought George. I can't
wait for him, I'm too tired. He undressed quickly, sank into bed, and a
deep sleep enveloped him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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