The Road to UnderstandingPorter, Eleanor H. (Eleanor Hodgman)
General
The Road to Understanding
Porter, Eleanor H. (Eleanor Hodgman)
Marriage -- Fiction; Married people -- Fiction
"As if I'd make fun of you, child!" cut in the doctor, still more
sharply.
"Oh, but I can't blame you, of course," she smiled wistfully; "and
especially now that I see myself how absurd I was to think, for a
minute, that I could make myself over into a--a--the sort of wife that
Burke Denby would wish to have."
"Absurd that you could-- Come, come! _Now_ what nonsense are you
talking?" snapped the doctor.
"But it isn't nonsense," objected Helen Denby earnestly. "Don't you
suppose I know _now_? I used to think it was something you could learn
as you would a poem, or that you could put on to you, as you would a new
dress. But I know now it's something inside of you that has to grow and
grow just as you grow; and I'm afraid all the putting on and learning in
the world won't get _me_ there."
"Oh, come, come, Mrs. Denby!" expostulated the doctor, in obvious
consternation.
"But it's so. Listen," she urged tremulously. "Now I--I just can't like
the kind of music Burke does,--discords, and no tune, you know,--though
I've tried and tried to. Day after day I've gone into the music-room and
put in those records,--the classics and the operatic ones that are the
real thing, you know,--but I can't like them; and I still keep liking
tunes and ragtime. And there are the books, too. I can't help liking
jingles and stories that _tell_ something; and I don't like poetry--not
real poetry like Browning and all the rest of them."
"Browning, indeed! As if that counted, child!"
"Oh, but it's other things--lots of them; vague, elusive things that I
can't put my finger on. But I know them now, since I've been here with
your sister and her friends. Why, sometimes it isn't anything more than
the way a woman speaks, or the way she sits down and gets up, or even
the way a bit of lace falls over her hand. But they all help. And
they've helped me, too,--oh, so much. I'm so glad now of this chance to
thank you. You don't know--you can't know, what it's been for me--to be
here."
"But I thought you just said that you--you _couldn't_--that is, that
you'd--er--given up," floundered the doctor miserably, as if groping for
some sort of support on a topsy-turvy world.
"Given up? Perhaps I have--in a way--for myself. You see, I know now
that you have to begin young. That's why I'm so happy about Betty. I
don't mind about myself any more, if only I can make it all right for
her. Dr. Gleason, I couldn't--I just _couldn't_ have her father ashamed
of--Betty!"
"Ashamed of that child! Well, I should say not," blustered the doctor
incoherently; "nor of you, either, you brave little woman. Why--"
"Betty _is_ a dear, isn't she?" interrupted the mother eagerly. "You
_do_ think she'll--she'll be everything he could wish? I'm keeping him
always before her--what he likes, how he'd want her to do, you know. And
almost always I can make her mind now, with daddy's name, and--"
The doctor interrupted with a gesture of impatience.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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