The Road to UnderstandingPorter, Eleanor H. (Eleanor Hodgman)
General
The Road to Understanding
Porter, Eleanor H. (Eleanor Hodgman)
Marriage -- Fiction; Married people -- Fiction
"And I thought it was just as he said," she went on chokingly, after a
moment's pause. "I thought it was a vacation he wanted us to take,
'cause we--we got on each other's nerves. But it wasn't, Baby,--it
wasn't; and I see it now. He's ashamed of me. He's always been ashamed
of me, 'way back when Dr. Gleason first came--he was ashamed of me then,
Baby. He was. I know he was. And now he wants to get away--quite away,
and never come back. And he calls it a _vacation_! And he says _I'm_ to
have one, too, and I must tell him all about it when he comes down next
week. Maybe he thinks I will. _Maybe he thinks I will!_
"We won't be here, Baby,--we won't! We'll go
somewhere--somewhere--anywhere!--before he gets here," she raved,
burying her face in the baby's neck and sobbing hysterically.
Once again Helen passed a sleepless night. Never questioning now Mrs.
Cobb's interpretation of her husband's conduct, there remained only a
decision as to her own course of action. That she could not be there
when her husband came to make ready for his journey, she was convinced.
She told herself fiercely that she would take herself and the baby
away--quite away out of his sight. He should not be shamed again by the
sight of her. But she knew in her heart that she was fleeing because she
dared not go through that last meeting with her husband, lest she should
break down. And she did not want to break down. If Burke did not want
_her_, was it likely she was going to cry and whine, and let him know
that she _did_ want him? Certainly not!
Helen's lips came together in a thin, straight line, in spite of her
trembling chin. Between her hurt love and her wounded pride, Helen was
in just that state of hysterics and heroics to do almost
anything--except something sane and sober.
First, to get away. On that she was determined. But where to go--that
was the question. As for going back to the old home town--as Burke had
suggested--_that_ she would not do--now. Did they think, then, that she
was going back there among her old friends to be laughed at, and gibed
at? What if she did have ten thousand dollars to spend on frills and
finery to dazzle their eyes? How long would it be before the whole town
found out, as had Mrs. Cobb, that that ten thousand dollars was the
price Burke Denby had paid for his freedom from the wife he was ashamed
of? Never! She would not go there. But where could she go?
It was then that a plan came to her--a plan so wild and dazzling that
even her frenzied aspiration scouted it at first as impossible. But it
came again and again; and before long her fancy was playing with it, and
turning it about with a wistful "Of course, if I could!" which in time
became a hesitating "And maybe, after all, I _could_ do it," only to
settle at last into a breathlessly triumphant "I will!"
After that things moved very swiftly in the little Denby flat. It was
Saturday morning, and there was no time to lose.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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