Rome -- History -- Republic, 265-30 B.C. -- Fiction
The sun rose clear and bright on the following morning; the air was fresh
and exhilarating, and full of mirthful inspiration. But Paullus Arvina
rose unrefreshed and languid, with his mind ill at ease; for the reaction
which succeeds ever to the reign of any vehement excitement, had fallen on
him with its depressing weight; and not that only, but keen remorse for
the past, and, if possible, anxiety yet keener for the future.
Disastrous dreams had beset his sleeping hours; and, at his waking, they
and the true occurrences of the past day, seemed all blended and confused
into one horrible and hideous vision.
Now he envisaged the whole dark reality of his past conduct, of his
present situation. Lucia, the charming siren of the previous evening,
appeared in her real colors, as the immodest, passionate wanton; Catiline
as the monster that indeed he was!
And yet, alas! alas! as the clear perception of the truth dawned on him,
it was but coupled with a despairing sense, that to these he was linked
inevitably and forever.
The oath! the awful oath which he had sworn in the fierce whirl of
passion, registered by the arch-traitor—the oath involving, not alone, his
own temporal and eternal welfare, but that of all whom he loved or
cherished; his own pure, beautiful, inimitable Julia, to whom his heart
now reverted with a far deeper and more earnest tenderness, after its
brief inconstancy; as he compared her strong, yet maidenly and gentle
love, with the wild and ungovernable passions of the wanton, for whom he
had once sacrificed her.
Paullus Arvina was not naturally, not radically evil. Far from it, his
impulses were naturally virtuous and correct, his calm sober thoughts
always honorable and upright; but his passions were violent and
unregulated; his principles of conduct not definitively formed; and his
mind wavering, unsettled, and unsteady.
His passions on the previous day had betrayed him fatally, through the
dark machinations of the conspirator, and the strange fascinations of his
lovely daughter, into the perpetration of a great crime. He had bound
himself, by an oath too dreadful to be thought of without shuddering, to
the commission of yet darker crimes in future.
And now the mists of passion had ceased to bedim his mental vision, his
eyes were opened, that he saw and repented most sincerely the past guilt.
How was he to avoid the future?
To no man in these days, could there be a doubt even for a moment—however
great the sin of swearing such an oath! No one in these days, knowing and
repenting of the crime, would hesitate a moment, or fancy himself bound,
because he had committed one vile sin in pledging himself thus to guilt,
to rush on deeper yet into the perpetration of wickedness.
The sin were in the swearing, not in the breaking of an oath so vile and
shameful.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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