I left the unhappy girl with a feeling of mingled disgust and pity. I
have always thought that the highest organization must, from its very
nature, be galled and warped in a situation as equivocal and humiliating
as that which Mlle. Hélouin occupies here. But I was not prepared for
the abyss of venom that had just opened under my eyes. Most
assuredly—when one thinks the matter out—one can scarcely conceive a
situation which subjects a human soul to more hateful temptations, or is
better calculated to develop and sharpen envy, to arouse the protests of
pride, and to exasperate feminine vanity and jealousy. Most of the
unhappy girls who are driven to this occupation only escape the troubles
Mlle. Hélouin had not been able to guard herself against, either by the
moderation of their feeling, or, by the grace of God, through the
firmness of their principles. Sometimes I had thought that our
misfortunes might make it necessary for my sister to go as governess
into some rich family. I swore then that whatever future might be
reserved for us, I would rather share the hardest life in the poorest
garret with Hélène than let her sit at the poisoned banquets of an
opulent and hateful servitude.
Though I had firmly resolved to leave the field free to Mlle. Hélouin,
and on no account to engage personally in the recriminations of a
degrading contest, I could not regard without misgiving the probable
consequences of the treacherous war just declared against me.
Evidently, I was threatened where I was most sensitive—in my love and in
my honour. Mistress of the secret of my heart, mingling truth and
falsehood with the skilful perfidy of her sex, Mlle. Hélouin might
easily show my conduct in an unfavourable light, turn all the
precautions and scruples of my delicacy against me, and give my simplest
actions the appearance of deliberate intrigue. I could not foresee the
form her malevolence would take, but I could depend upon her to choose
the most effectual methods. Better than any one, she knew the weak
places in the imaginations she wished to impress. Over Mlle. Marguerite
and her mother she had the advantage which dissimulation usually has
over frankness, and cunning over simplicity. They trusted her with the
trust that is born of long use and daily association. Her masters, as
she called them, were not likely to suspect that under the pretty
brightness and obsequious consideration which she assumed with such
consummate art she concealed a frenzy of pride and ingratitude which was
eating her miserable heart away. It was too probable that a hand so
sure and skilful would pour its poison with complete success into hearts
thus prepared. It was true Mlle. Hélouin might be afraid that by
yielding to her resentment she would thrust Mlle. Marguerite’s hand into
that of M. de Bévallan, and hasten a marriage which would be the ruin of
her own ambition; but I knew that the woman who hates does not
calculate, and risks everything.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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