Both Lieutenant Réal and the innocent Michel appeared surprised at his
boisterousness; but all the time Peyrol was thinking: “I wish to
goodness I knew how that thunderstorm is getting on and what course it
is shaping. I can’t find that out unless I go up to the farm and get a
view to the westward. It may be as far as the Rhône Valley; no doubt it
is and it will come out of it too, curses on it. One won’t be able to
reckon on half an hour of steady wind from any quarter.” He directed a
look of ironic gaiety at all the faces in turn. Michel met it with a
faithful-dog gaze and innocently open mouth. Scevola kept his chin
buried on his chest. Lieutenant Réal was insensible to outward
impressions, and his absent stare made nothing of Peyrol. The rover
himself presently fell into thought. The last stir of air died out in
the little basin, and the sun clearing Porquerolles inundated it with a
sudden light, in which Michel blinked like an owl.
“It’s hot early,” he announced aloud, but only because he had formed the
habit of talking to himself. He would not have presumed to offer an
opinion unless asked by Peyrol.
His voice having recalled Peyrol to himself, he proposed to masthead the
yards, and even asked Lieutenant Réal to help in that operation, which
was accomplished in silence, except for the faint squeaking of the
blocks. The sails, however, were kept hauled up in the gear.
“Like this,” said Peyrol, “you have only to let go the ropes and you
will be under canvas at once.”
Without answering Réal returned to his position by the rudder-head. He
was saying to himself: “I am sneaking off. No, there is honour, duty.
And of course I will return. But when? They will forget all about me and
I shall never be exchanged. This war may last for years,--” and
illogically he wished he could have had a God to whom he could pray for
relief in his anguish. “She will be in despair,” he thought, writhing
inwardly at the mental picture of a distracted Arlette. Life, however,
had embittered his spirit early, and he said to himself: “But in a
month’s time will she even give me a thought?” Instantly he felt
remorseful with a remorse strong enough to lift him to his feet as if he
were morally obliged to go up again and confess to Arlette this
sacrilegious cynicism of thought. “I am mad,” he muttered, perching
himself on the low rail. His lapse from faith plunged him into such a
depth of unhappiness that he felt all his strength of will go out of
him. He sat there apathetic and suffering. He meditated dully: “Young
men have been known to die suddenly; why should not I? I am, as a matter
of fact, at the end of my endurance. I am half dead already. Yes! but
what is left of that life does not belong to me now.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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