She felt that she must walk, and walk quickly, in an endeavor to keep up
with her new line of thought, at the end of which she saw, more and more
clearly, a most worth-while goal. Before she could arrive at this, she
could see a vista of bunkers ahead of her to negotiate which all her
gifts of intrigue would have, happily, to be exercised. To give interest
and excitement to her plan of becoming Fallaray’s wife in fact, as well
as by law, she required bunkers and needed difficulties. The more the
merrier. She knew that, at present, Fallaray was as far away from her as
though he were at the North Pole,—and as cold. She was dead certain of
the fact that she had been of no more account to him, from the first few
hours of their outrageous honeymoon, than a piece of furniture in one of
the rooms in his house of which he never made use. That being so, she
could see the constant and cunning employment of the brains that she had
allowed to lie fallow through all her rudimentary rioting,—brains that
she possessed in abundance, far above the average. In the use of these
lay her salvation, her one chance to swing herself out of the great
disappointment and its subsequent loose-endedness which had been brought
about by Arrowsmith’s sudden deflection. Her passionate desire for this
man was not going easily to die. She knew that. Her dreams would be
filled with him for a considerable time, of course. She realized, also,
looking at that uncompleted episode with blunt honesty, that, but for
him, she would still be playing the fool, giving herself and her gifts
to the entertainment of all the half-witted members of the gang. To the
fastidious Arrowsmith and her unrequited love she owed her sudden
determination to make herself useful to Fallaray and finally to become,
moving Heaven and earth in the process, his wife. This was the
paradoxical way in which her curious mind worked. No tears and
lamentations for her. She had no use for them. On the contrary, she had
courage and pride, and by setting herself the most difficult task that
she could possibly have chosen, two things would result,—her sense of
adventure would be gratified to the hilt and Arrowsmith shown the stuff
of which she was made.
But on her way to her room, which was to be without Lola until the
following morning, she stopped in the corridor, turned and went to the
door of Fallaray’s den. After a moment’s hesitation she entered, feeling
that she was trespassing, never before having gone into it of her own
volition. She could not be caught there because Fallaray had escaped to
his beloved Chilton, she remembered. Her desire was to stand there alone
for a few moments, to merge herself into its atmosphere; to get from its
book-lined walls and faint odor of tobacco something of the sense of the
man who had unconsciously become her partner.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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