Man-woman relationships -- England -- Fiction; Married people -- England -- Fiction; Psychological fiction
"Oh, you know what I mean by your grievance!" _She_ had no intention,
Mrs. Briss, of sinking. "I was to give you time to make up your mind
that Mrs. Server was our lady. You so resented, for some reason, my
suggesting it that I scarcely believed you'd consider it at all; only I
hadn't forgotten, when I spoke to you a while since, that you had
nevertheless handsomely promised me that you would do your best."
"Yes, and, still more handsomely, that if I changed my mind, I would
eat, in your presence, for my error, the largest possible slice of
humble pie. If you didn't see this morning," I continued, "quite why I
should have cared so much, so I don't quite see why, in your different
way, _you_ should; at the same time that I do full justice to the good
faith with which you've given me my chance. Please believe that if I
_could_ candidly embrace that chance I should feel all the joy in the
world in repaying you. It's only, alas! because I cling to my candour
that I venture to disappoint you. If I cared this morning it was really
simple enough. You didn't convince me, but I should have cared just as
much if you had. I only didn't see what _you_ saw. I needed more than
you could then give me. I knew, you see, what I needed--I mean before I
struck! It was the element of collateral support that we both lacked. I
couldn't do without it as you could. This was what I, clumsily enough,
tried to show you I felt. You, on your side," I pursued, "grasped
admirably the evident truth that that element _could_ be present only in
such doses as practically to escape detection." I kept it up as she had
done, and I remember striking myself as scarce less excitedly voluble. I
was conscious of being at a point at which I should have to go straight,
to go fast, to go it, as the phrase is, blind, in order to go at all. I
was also conscious--and it came from the look with which she listened to
me and that told me more than she wished--I felt sharply, though but
instinctively, in fine, that I should still, whatever I practically had
lost, make my personal experience most rich and most complete by putting
it definitely to her that, sorry as I might be not to oblige her, I
had, even at this hour, no submission to make. I doubted in fact whether
my making one _would_ have obliged her; but I felt that, for all so much
had come and gone, I was not there to take, for her possible profit, any
new tone with her. She would sufficiently profit, at the worst, by the
old. My old motive--old with the prodigious antiquity the few hours had
given it--had quite left me; I seemed to myself to know little now of my
desire to "protect" Mrs. Server. She was certainly, with Mrs. Briss at
least, past all protection; and the conviction had grown with me, in
these few minutes, that there was now no rag of the queer truth that
Mrs. Briss hadn't secretly--by which I meant morally--handled. But I
none the less, on a perfectly simple reasoning, stood to my guns, and
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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