Man-woman relationships -- England -- Fiction; Married people -- England -- Fiction; Psychological fiction
I had presently achieved another of my full revolutions, and I faced her
again with a view of her overture and my answer to her last question.
The terms were not altogether what my pity could have wished, but I
sufficiently kept everything together to have to see that there were
limits to my choice. "Yes, I let it go, your change of front, though it
vexes me a little--and I'll in a moment tell you why--to have to. But
let us put it that it's on a condition."
"Change of front?" she murmured while she looked at me. "Your
expressions are not of the happiest."
But I saw it was only again to cover a doubt. My condition, for her, was
questionable, and I felt it would be still more so on her hearing what
it was. Meanwhile, however, in spite of her qualification of it, I had
fallen back, once and for all, on pure benignity. "It scarce matters if
I'm clumsy when you're practically so bland. I wonder if you'll
understand," I continued, "if I make you an explanation."
"Most probably," she answered, as handsome as ever, "not."
"Let me at all events try you. It's moreover the one I just promised;
which was no more indeed than the development of a feeling I've already
permitted myself to show you. I lose"--I brought it out--"by your
agreeing with me!"
"'Lose'?"
"Yes; because while we disagreed you were, in spite of that, on the
right side."
"And what do you call the right side?"
"Well"--I brought it out again--"on the same side as my imagination."
But it gave her at least a chance. "Oh, your imagination!"
"Yes--I know what you think of it; you've sufficiently hinted how little
that is. But it's precisely because you regard it as rubbish that I now
appeal to you."
She continued to guard herself by her surprises. "Appeal? I thought you
were on the ground, rather," she beautifully smiled, "of dictation."
"Well, I'm that too. I dictate my terms. But my terms are in themselves
the appeal." I was ingenious but patient. "See?"
"How in the world can I see?"
"_Voyons_, then. Light or darkness, my imagination rides me. But of
course if it's all wrong I want to get rid of it. You can't, naturally,
help me to destroy the faculty itself, but you can aid in the defeat of
its application to a particular case. It was because you so smiled,
before, on that application, that I valued even my minor difference with
you; and what I refer to as my loss is the fact that your frown leaves
me struggling alone. The best thing for me, accordingly, as I feel, is
to get rid altogether of the obsession. The way to do that, clearly,
since _you've_ done it, is just to quench the fire. By the fire I mean
the flame of the fancy that blazed so for us this morning. What the
deuce have you, for yourself, poured on it? Tell me," I pleaded, "and
teach me."
Equally with her voice her face echoed me again. "Teach you?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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