He had not seen Mary for some days. He was trying to keep her out of
his thoughts. But the more he denied himself the sight of her, the
less power he had to fight the demon in whose grip he was now held. He
was unable to work, he slept little, he had no appetite for food; for
the most part, he could only walk up and down this wonderful and
terrible city of London which had now begun to appall him.
He had outgrown his present strength. And, as only a woman can, she
realized where and how she might help him. This deep-sea mariner
should not call to her in vain. Athena, in her high maternal sanity,
was ready to yield all.
Three days ago, when he had seen her last, and had sat with her in the
shade of the park, her eyes, her voice had told him that. They had
told him that, even when it had not been his to ask. It was this
implicit declaration which had so gravely frightened him. The truth
struck home that he was not treading the path of honor.
By the time he had returned to Brinkworth Street, he knew the necessity
of a definite course of action. It was madness to go on in their
present way. They had come to mean too much to each other; besides, a
perception keenly sensitive had told him that her friends were
beginning to regard him with a tacit hostility. It had not found
expression in word or deed; he was always received with kindness; but
except on the part of Klondyke, there was no real warmth of sympathy.
Circumstances had placed him in a terribly false position, and he must
be man enough to break his fetters. He knew that there was still one
way of doing that. The course was extreme, but honor demanded it.
He had been invited to tea the next day at the house of a friend they
had in common. It was to be a large party, and he knew that if he
carried out his original intention of going, he would see Mary and no
doubt have a chance of talking to her. Much painful reflection that
evening finally decided him. He would go prepared to tell everything.
It must be their last meeting, for she would surely see how hopeless
was the intimacy into which they had drifted.
Having quite definitely made up his mind, he was able to snatch a
little more sleep that night than for some weeks past. Moreover, he
got up the next day with his resolution strong upon him. Let the cost
be what it might, he must accept a bitter and humiliating situation.
At half past four that afternoon he was one of many more or less
distinguished persons filling the spacious rooms of a house in a
fashionable square. The hostess, a quick-witted adroit woman, was very
much a friend of both. She had a real regard for Mary, also a genuine
weakness for a man of genius.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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