§ 25. "Indeed, Lord, my soul itself is _in a strait_, and _what to choose I know not_; but thou knowest what to give: _to depart, and be with thee, is far better_. But _to abide in the flesh_ seems _needful_. Thou knowest I am not weary of thy work, but of sorrow and sin; I am willing to stay while thou wilt employ me, and dispatch the work thou hast put into my hands: But, I beseech thee, stay no longer when this is done; and while I must be here, let me be still amending and ascending; make me still better and take me at the best. I dare not be so impatient, as to importune thee to cut off my time, and snatch me hence unready; because I know my everlasting state so much depends on the improvement of this life. Nor would I stay when my work is done; and remain here sinning, while my brethren are triumphing. Thy footsteps bruise this worm, while those stars shine in the firmament of glory. Yet I am thy child as well as they; Christ is my Head as well as theirs; why is there then so great a distance? But I acknowledge the equity of thy ways; though we are all children, yet I am the prodigal, and therefore more fit in this remote country to _feed on husks_, while they are _always with thee_, and possess thy glory. They were once themselves in my condition, and I shall shortly be in theirs. They were of the lowest form, before they came to the highest; they _suffered_, before they _reigned_; they _came out of great tribulation, who are_ now _before thy throne_; and shall not I be content to come to the crown as they did; and to _drink of their cup_; before I _sit with them in the kingdom_? Lord, I am content to stay thy time, and go thy way, so thou wilt exalt me also in thy season, and take me _into thy barn_, when thou seest me ripe. In the mean time I may desire, though I am not to repine; I may believe and wish, though not make any sinful haste: I am willing to wait for thee, but not to lose thee; and when thou seest me too contented with thine absence, then quicken my languid desires, and blow up the dying spark of love; and leave me not till I am able unfeignedly to cry out, '_As the hart panteth after the water-brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God; when shall I come and appear before God? My conversation is in heaven, from whence I look for a Savior. My affections are set on things above, where Christ sitteth, and my life is hid. I walk by faith, and not by sight; willing rather to be absent from the body, and present with the Lord._'