Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
By every reason he sought to liberate his imagination, and only
succeeded in enmeshing himself the more securely in the silk
imprisonment. To each clear and warning argument a memory rose
victoriously, confounding reason and bringing new longings. When in her
presence, he found the study of this perplexing and ardent disciple of
youth, who had darted across into his life out of nowhere, one of
endless mystification and satisfaction. He forgot all his resolves in
the sensation of gazing into the profoundly troubling blue of her
glance, watching the divine subtleties of that smile which began in the
twinkling corners of her eyes and glided, with always a note of arch
malice, to the childlike lips. Sometimes he incited her to assumed anger
in order to watch the sudden lights that awakened in the cloudy eyes,
the sharp little teeth, brilliant against the parted red of the lips,
the heightened danger-signals on the cheek. And when, in curious
restaurants, removed from the prying gaze of Mrs. Grundy, they ensconced
themselves, laughing with the delight of truants at finding a
hiding-place, the slight pressure of her foot against his, a moment
offered and a moment gone, created new philosophies in his logical
brain, and he repeated to himself again and again that he would change
all to be a young cub, as the young fellows who surrounded them,
starting life undaunted and free. To have the right, or to do no harm!
Often, watching her sparkling mood, that showed itself in a dozen
laughing tricks with cutlery or glass, mystified, he asked himself:
"Does she realize what this means?"
There lay this great difference between them--he sought gloomily to
foresee the end, she was in raptures only at the beginning. In this
period which preceded the inevitable one when he would find subterfuge
and evasion to put his conscience to sleep, a period in which he still
felt the closing of the trap on his liberty, and saw clearly because he
still wished to resist, Massingale asked himself logically where each
step would lead. How long could his embottled control be kept to
phrases? And when, in one combustible moment, he should obey the longing
to recall that hour when, conquering her, she had conquered him, what
would follow?
Shrinking from the thought of another solution, he asked himself once or
twice if, under her artless insouciance, there was not a deep
calculation; or if, indeed, she were planning to upset everything in his
life, drag him into the publicity of the divorce courts, create a new
home, dissolve old habits, estrange old friends, and fasten on him new
ones. He thought thus, not because he thought honestly, but because he
wished to recoil from immediate responsibility.
Dodo had not the slightest care of the future. The next month or the
next week did not exist; the day sufficed. She raised no questions; she
contented herself rapturously with emotions.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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