Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
"Then I wanted you to understand," she said swiftly. "Wait. You will
understand," she added quickly, her hand on his arm as he started an
angry gesture. "Yes, yes, you will, because I know you or would I have
let you come here?" she said illogically. "You are too big--you
understand everything--you will me."
There was a moment's silent struggle as their eyes met each other. Then
without waiting his answer, confidently she said:
"You know, after all, it's very simple. You were right. You remember
that first time here--you said I was to end like all the rest,--just an
ordinary little house-frau. Wasn't I furious though! Well, you were
right! That's just what I have come to be!"
The incredible side of it all, the boldness of the situation, yet the
naturalness of the incomprehensible Dodo doing just this, caught him
with the old fascination. He yielded.
"You, Dodo, are saying this," he said, interested despite himself, "you
who adored precipices?"
"Did I?" She shook her head, with a little catch after breath, in the
suddenness of her victory which his surrender had brought her. "I think
all my daring was just ignorance. Now, when I look back I am frightened
to death. You thought I was such a wild breathless creature--no! I never
really was brave. You see, I imagined a world as every girl must. It
wasn't real, nothing was real. It was all just groping after
something--just waiting, longing. And that's why I was as I was with
you. I was impatient, tired of waiting. And I imagined the answer. Often
I try to understand why I did what I did. Then I used to be so thrilled
by every reckless, lawless thing I did. It gave me the feeling of a cork
bobbing over hungry waves. What a pitiful little creature that Dodo was!
She thought she could conquer life. She didn't know. She thought she was
different from the rest. She was only restless, a helpless little rebel,
with every man's hand against her. And because she didn't want to be
like all the rest--what a terrible disaster it came near being!" She
stopped, lost in the obscurity of the past and then turning to him,
gaining confidence by what she saw in his eyes, went on in soft
pleading: "Don't judge me. The game wasn't square. It never is between a
man and a girl. You would have had your man's world to go back to--and
I? Oh, won't you understand why I did what I did? Can't you understand
how hard it is for a girl, all by herself, to really know what she wants
of life? Your Honor, can't you forgive?"
He had been profoundly moved by her words and by the deep tones of her
voice, beyond any power of simulation. He knew he would grant her
request and yet with a last personal feeling against the
unreasonableness of asking it of him, he said:
"What difference can it make to you whether I forgive or not?"
"Oh, but it does--it does," she cried, joining her hands in a passionate
entreaty.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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