Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
"You will burn up another year or so; you will come very, very near a
good many things; and then you will marry, and turn into a devoted,
loyal little _Hausfrau_--like a million other little _Hausfraus_ who
have thought they were in this world to do anything else but marry!"
"No, no! Don't you dare say that!" she said, covering her ears and
stamping her foot. "That never!"
"Mark my prophecy," he said, with mock solemnity, delighted at the fury
he had aroused.
"No, no! I won't be commonplace!" she cried. "I am in this world to do
something unusual, extraordinary. I'm not like every other little woman.
Marriage? Never! Three meals a day at the same hours--the same
man--domesticity! Horrors!"
"Of course, of course," he said, with his provoking analytic exactness
of phrase. "My dear girl, this is not a real life you are indulging in!
Some day, perhaps, I'll discuss it more frankly with you. All this is a
phase of mild hysteria. Do you know what you are doing? You're not
living; you're rejecting life--yes, just that!--with every man you meet.
The time comes when you will have to select. The forces of nature you
are playing with are bigger than you; they'll conquer you in the
end--decide for you! Now you play at fooling men so much that you fool
yourself. When you marry, you will surprise yourself!"
"Stop!" she cried furiously. "Marriage! Yes, that's all you men believe
we are capable of! But we are different now. We can be free--we can live
our own lives! And I will _not_ be commonplace. Nothing can make me
that. I'd rather have a tragic love-affair than that! Oh, what's the use
of living, if you have to do as every one else does!"
She went to the window at the side, covering the ground with the leap
of a panther, working herself to a fury.
"Do you know what this wall is?" she cried, striking the curtain, which
rolled up with the report of a pistol--"this ugly, hateful, brutal wall
that I hate, loathe, despise? That's matrimony!--ugly, cold, horrid
wall!"
She groped with her hand, caught the tassel, and pulled the shade
without turning around.
"But, you see, you can't shut it out!" he said maliciously, pointing to
the space that showed under the deficient shade.
"There'll be no wall in my life," she said, with a toss of her head. She
felt herself in her most effective theatrical mood, and she flung the
reins to it, caring nothing where it led her. Now, at all costs, she was
resolved to thaw out this glacial reserve of his, rouse him, teach him
that she could not be held so cheap. "No wall in my life! No man to tell
me: Do this--do that--come here--go there! Sacrifices? I shall never
make them! I tell you, all I want is to live--to really live! A short
life, but a free one! You think Sassoon tempts me; you think I'd change
this room for a palace or a home! You don't understand me! No; not with
all you think you understand!"
"Tell me!" he said, transforming himself into an audience.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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