The Satyricon of Petronius ArbiterPetronius Arbiter
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The Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter
Petronius Arbiter
Rome -- Fiction; Satire, Latin -- Translations into English
"Had I rais'd my expectation, I might deceiv'd complain; now I'm
obliged to your impotence, that has made me sensible how much too long
I have trifl'd with mistaken hopes of pleasure. Tell me, sir, how you
design to bestow your self, and whether you dare rashly venture home
on your own legs? for no physician ever allow'd it cou'd be done
without strength. Let me advise your tender years to beware of a
palsie: I never saw any body in such danger before. On my conscience
you are just going! and shou'd the same rude chilliness seize your
other parts, I might be soon, alas! put upon the severe trial of
weeping at your funeral. But if you would not suspect me of not being
sincere, tho' my resentment can't equal the injury, yet I shall not
envy the cure of a weak unhappy wretch. If you wou'd recover your
strength, ask Gito, or rather not ask him for't--I can assure a return
of your vigour if you cou'd sleep three nights alone: As to myself I
am not in the least apprehensive of appearing to another less charming
than I have to you. I am told neither my glass nor report does
flatter me. Farewell, if you can."
When Chrysis found I had read the reproach, "This is the custom, sir,"
said she, "and chiefly of this city, where the women are skill'd in
magick-charms, enough to make the moon confess their power, therefore
the recovery of any useful instrument of love becomes their care; 'tis
only writing some soft tender things to my lady, and you make her
happy in a kind return. For 'tis confest, since her disappointment,
she has not been her self." I readily consented, and calling for
paper, thus addrest myself:
"'Tis confest, madam, I have often sinned, for I'm not only a man, but
a very young one, yet never left the field so dishonourably before.
You have at your feet a confessing criminal, that deserves whatever
you inflict: I have cut a throat, betray'd my country, committed
sacrilege; if a punishment for any of these will serve, I am ready to
receive sentence. If you fancy my death, I wait you with my sword;
but if a beating will content you, I fly naked to your arms. Only
remember, that 'twas not the workman, but his instruments that fail'd:
I was ready to engage, but wanted arms. Who rob'd me of them I know
not; perhaps my eager mind outrun my body; or while with an unhappy
haste I aim'd at all; I was cheated with abortive joys. I only know I
don't know what I've done: You bid me fear a palsie, as if the diseast
cou'd do greater that has already rob'd me of that, by which I shou'd
have purchas'd you. All I have to say for my self, is this, that I
will certainly pay with interest the arrears of love, if you allow me
time to repair my misfortune."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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