I took off my shoes when I gained the forecastle head, and went
noiselessly aft in my stocking feet. Nor did I call this time from the
top of the companion-way. Cautiously descending, I found the cabin
deserted. The door to his state-room was closed. At first I thought of
knocking, then I remembered my ostensible errand and resolved to carry it
out. Carefully avoiding noise, I lifted the trap-door in the floor and
set it to one side. The slop-chest, as well as the provisions, was
stored in the lazarette, and I took advantage of the opportunity to lay
in a stock of underclothing.
As I emerged from the lazarette I heard sounds in Wolf Larsen’s
state-room. I crouched and listened. The door-knob rattled. Furtively,
instinctively, I slunk back behind the table and drew and cocked my
revolver. The door swung open and he came forth. Never had I seen so
profound a despair as that which I saw on his face,—the face of Wolf
Larsen the fighter, the strong man, the indomitable one. For all the
world like a woman wringing her hands, he raised his clenched fists and
groaned. One fist unclosed, and the open palm swept across his eyes as
though brushing away cobwebs.
“God! God!” he groaned, and the clenched fists were raised again to the
infinite despair with which his throat vibrated.
It was horrible. I was trembling all over, and I could feel the shivers
running up and down my spine and the sweat standing out on my forehead.
Surely there can be little in this world more awful than the spectacle of
a strong man in the moment when he is utterly weak and broken.
But Wolf Larsen regained control of himself by an exertion of his
remarkable will. And it was exertion. His whole frame shook with the
struggle. He resembled a man on the verge of a fit. His face strove to
compose itself, writhing and twisting in the effort till he broke down
again. Once more the clenched fists went upward and he groaned. He
caught his breath once or twice and sobbed. Then he was successful. I
could have thought him the old Wolf Larsen, and yet there was in his
movements a vague suggestion of weakness and indecision. He started for
the companion-way, and stepped forward quite as I had been accustomed to
see him do; and yet again, in his very walk, there seemed that suggestion
of weakness and indecision.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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