“Bosh!” was his retort. “It simply means that in the attack on my brain
the higher psychical centres are untouched. I can remember, I can think
and reason. When that goes, I go. I am not. The soul?”
He broke out in mocking laughter, then turned his left ear to the pillow
as a sign that he wished no further conversation.
Maud and I went about our work oppressed by the fearful fate which had
overtaken him,—how fearful we were yet fully to realize. There was the
awfulness of retribution about it. Our thoughts were deep and solemn,
and we spoke to each other scarcely above whispers.
“You might remove the handcuffs,” he said that night, as we stood in
consultation over him. “It’s dead safe. I’m a paralytic now. The next
thing to watch out for is bed sores.”
He smiled his twisted smile, and Maud, her eyes wide with horror, was
compelled to turn away her head.
“Do you know that your smile is crooked?” I asked him; for I knew that
she must attend him, and I wished to save her as much as possible.
“Then I shall smile no more,” he said calmly. “I thought something was
wrong. My right cheek has been numb all day. Yes, and I’ve had warnings
of this for the last three days; by spells, my right side seemed going to
sleep, sometimes arm or hand, sometimes leg or foot.”
“So my smile is crooked?” he queried a short while after. “Well,
consider henceforth that I smile internally, with my soul, if you please,
my soul. Consider that I am smiling now.”
And for the space of several minutes he lay there, quiet, indulging his
grotesque fancy.
The man of him was not changed. It was the old, indomitable, terrible
Wolf Larsen, imprisoned somewhere within that flesh which had once been
so invincible and splendid. Now it bound him with insentient fetters,
walling his soul in darkness and silence, blocking it from the world
which to him had been a riot of action. No more would he conjugate the
verb “to do in every mood and tense.” “To be” was all that remained to
him—to be, as he had defined death, without movement; to will, but not to
execute; to think and reason and in the spirit of him to be as alive as
ever, but in the flesh to be dead, quite dead.
And yet, though I even removed the handcuffs, we could not adjust
ourselves to his condition. Our minds revolted. To us he was full of
potentiality. We knew not what to expect of him next, what fearful
thing, rising above the flesh, he might break out and do. Our experience
warranted this state of mind, and we went about our work with anxiety
always upon us.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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