Christian fiction; Neighborhoods -- Scotland -- Fiction
I remember particularly the thoughts that moved in me and made that
walk memorable. Indeed, I think I remember all outside events chiefly
by virtue of the inward conditions with which they were associated. Mere
outside things I am very ready to forget. Moods of my own mind do not
so readily pass away; and with the memory of some of them every outward
circumstance returns; for a man’s life is where the kingdom of heaven
is--within him. There are people who, if you ask the story of their
lives, have nothing to tell you but the course of the outward events
that have constituted, as it were, the clothes of their history. But I
know, at the same time, that some of the most important crises in my
own history (by which word _history_ I mean my growth towards the right
conditions of existence) have been beyond the grasp and interpretation
of my intellect. They have passed, as it were, without my consciousness
being awake enough to lay hold of their phenomena. The wind had been
blowing; I had heard the sound of it, but knew not whence it came
nor whither it went; only, when it was gone, I found myself more
responsible, more eager than before.
I remember this walk from the thoughts I had about the great change
hanging over us all. I had now arrived at the prime of middle life; and
that change which so many would escape if they could, but which will let
no man pass, had begun to show itself a real fact upon the horizon
of the future. Death looks so far away to the young, that while they
acknowledge it unavoidable, the path stretches on in such vanishing
perspective before them, that they see no necessity for thinking about
the end of it yet; and far would I be from saying they ought to think
of it. Life is the true object of a man’s care: there is no occasion to
make himself think about death. But when the vision of the inevitable
draws nigh, when it appears plainly on the horizon, though but as a
cloud the size of a man’s hand, then it is equally foolish to meet it
by refusing to meet it, to answer the questions that will arise by
declining to think about them. Indeed, it is a question of life then,
and not of death. We want to keep fast hold of our life, and, in the
strength of that, to look the threatening death in the face. But to my
walk that morning.
I wandered on the downs till I came to the place where a solitary rock
stands on the top of a cliff looking seaward, in the suggested shape
of a monk praying. On the base on which he knelt I seated myself, and
looked out over the Atlantic. How faded the ocean appeared! It seemed as
if all the sunny dyes of the summer had been diluted and washed with the
fogs of the coming winter, when I thought of the splendour it wore when
first from these downs I gazed on the outspread infinitude of space and
colour.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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