British -- Russia -- Fiction; Historical fiction; Soviet Union -- History -- Revolution, 1917-1921 -- Fiction
I realise that the moment has come in my tale when the whole interest of
my narrative centres in Markovitch. Markovitch is really the point of
all my story as I have, throughout, subconsciously, recognised. The
events of that wonderful Tuesday when for a brief instant the sun of
freedom really did seem to all of us to break through the clouds, that
one day in all our lives when hopes, dreams, Utopias, fairy tales seemed
to be sober and realistic fact, those events might be seen through the
eyes of any of us. Vera, Nina, Grogoff, Semyonov, Lawrence, Bohun and I,
all shared in them and all had our sensations and experiences. But my
own were drab and ordinary enough, and from the others I had no account
so full and personal and true as from Markovitch. He told me all about
that great day afterwards, only a short time before that catastrophe
that overwhelmed us all, and in his account there was all the growing
suspicion and horror of disillusion that after-events fostered in him.
But as he told me, sitting through the purple hours of the night,
watching the light break in ripples and circles of colour over the sea,
he regained some of the splendours of that great day, and before he had
finished his tale he was right back in that fantastic world that had
burst at the touch like bubbles in the sun. I will give his account, as
accurately as possible in his own words. I seldom interrupted him, and I
think he soon forgot that I was there. He had come to me that night in a
panic, for reasons which will he given later and I, in trying to
reassure him, had reminded him of that day, when the world was suddenly
Utopia.
"That _did_ exist, that world," I said. "And once having existed it
cannot now be dead. Believe, believe that it will come back."
"Come back!" He shook his head. "Even if it is still there I cannot go
back to it. I will tell you, Ivan Andreievitch, what that day was...
and why now I am so bitterly punished for having believed in it. Listen,
what happened to me. It occurred, all of it, exactly as I tell you. You
know that, just at that time, I had been worrying very much about Vera.
The Revolution had come I suppose very suddenly to every one; but truly
to myself, because I had been thinking of Vera, it was like a
thunder-clap. It's always been my trouble, Ivan Andreievitch, that I
can't think of more than one thing at once, and the worry of it has been
that in my life there has been almost invariably more than one thing
that I ought to think of.... I would think of my invention, you know,
that I ought to get on with it a little faster. Because really--it was
making a sort of cloth out of bark that I was working at; as every day
passed, I could see more and more clearly that there was a great deal in
this particular invention, and that it only needed real application to
bring it properly forward. Only application as you know is my trouble.
If I could only shut my brain up...."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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