"I'm not fighting anybody. I am willing to marry her on certain conditions." The elucidation of these conditions necessitated the clearance of the court, and for some time the case was heard _in camera_. However, it is generally known that the learned judge himself re-examined both parties, as a result of which the Fair Girl admitted to being secretly in love with a gendarme, and flatly declined to marry the defendant. The case was dismissed without costs on either side. Counsel for plaintiff explained that the officers of Kastamuni had subscribed the amount of plaintiff's court costs. A question by the Bimbashi as to whether plaintiff's counsel had received his professional costs from the Fair Girl was disallowed by the learned judge. Counsel for plaintiff, who became greatly heated, was distinctly heard by some to say something about "a jealous counsel," but the remark evidently did not reach the ears of Mr. Justice Owes-Leigh. The court rose, and the Fair Girl, whose nerve possibly failed at the last moment, went out on her counsel's arm. * * * * * (6) Knights of the Oblong Table. THE OBLONG TABLE KNIGHTS AT MESS (Subject: Pooling of Parcels) KING ARTHUR (_a three-parcel wallah with designs on Sir Saundontius the Good, a fourteen-parcel wallah_): Gentlemen, I propose that in future all parcels are pooled in the mess. (_Loud protests and uproar._) SIR SAMUEL LONGBOW: No, I'm against that. Fancy dividing two tins of sardines amongst fourteen. SIR CLIFTUS SMALLKAKE: Well, I'll tell you this much, I shan't give mine up. One cake wouldn't feed two knights. SIR SULPHUROUS BLEARS: Blank your blankety blank. I'm for pooling the blankety blanks, blank it. SIR EDWARD LE FUMEUR: I've a chicken, that means a bone each. SIR POMPOUS OLDASS TO SIR S. BLEARS: How many parcels have you received? SIR SULPH. BLEARS: None, you blank-headed blankety blank. SIR LESLIE BEC DE CANARD: Very good idea. I've got flea powders and thirst quenchers. Pool 'em, with pleasure. [Illustration: "KING ARTHUR'S KNIGHTS OF THE OBLONG TABLE" IN OUR MESS. THE HILLS OF KASTAMUNI IN THE DISTANCE!] [Illustration: MERMAID READING "SMOKE"] SIR RUFUS APPLETREE: I've had no parcels. Even if I had I would have pooled them. (_Laughter and exclamations._) SIR SHINYTOP STEWARTUS (_who sits next to King A. and knows that in any case Royalty appropriates_): Hear, hear, let's pool them. SIR CAROL COEUR DE LION: I'm not afraid of speaking my mind. I'm against it, as I don't approve of socialism or cheap parcels. SIR SAUNDONTIUS THE GOOD (_fourteen-parcel wallah, and feeling under the circumstances that he had better go no further than timidly venturing to agree with the last speaker_): I hardly think so, Sir King, Old Thing. One tin of jam would last me for a week, but the mess scarcely one minute. (_Storm grows wilder, the only voices for the affirmative being those who up to date have received no parcels._)