Both Aunt Bell and Nancy came to feel the strain of it all. The former
promised to "go into the silence" each day and "hold the thought of
success," thereby drawing psychic power for him from the Reservoir of
the Eternal.
Nancy could only encourage by wifely sympathy, being devoid of those
psychic powers that distinguished Aunt Bell. Tenderly she hovered about
Allan the morning he began to write the first of the three sermons he
was to preach.
As for him, though heavy with the possibilities of the moment, he was
yet cool and centred; resigned to what might be, yet hopeful; his manner
was determined, yet gentle, almost sweet--the manner of one who has
committed all to God and will now put no cup from him, how bitter
soever.
"I am so hopeful, dearest, for your sake," his wife said, softly,
wishing to reveal her sympathy yet fearful lest she might obtrude it. He
was arranging many sheets of notes before him.
"What will the first one be?" she asked. He straightened in his chair.
"I've made up my mind, Nance! It's a wealthy congregation--one of the
wealthiest in the city--but I shall preach first from the parable of
Dives and Lazarus."
"Isn't that--a little--wouldn't something else do as well--something
that wouldn't seem quite so personal?"
He smiled up with fond indulgence. "That's the woman of it--concession
for temporal advantage." Then more seriously he added, "I wouldn't be
true to myself, Nance, if I went down there in any spirit of truckling
to wealth. Public approval is a most desirable luxury, I grant
you--wealth and ease are desirable luxuries, and the favour of those in
power--but they're only luxuries. And I know in this matter but one real
necessity: my own self-approval. If consciously I preached a polite
sermon there, my own soul would accuse me and I should be as a leaf in
the wind for power. No, Nance--never urge me to be untrue to that divine
Christ-self within me! If I cannot be my best self before God, I am
nothing. I must preach Christ and Him crucified, whether it be to the
wealthy of St. Antipas or only to believing poverty."
Stung with contrition, she was quick to say, "Oh, my dearest, I didn't
mean you to be untrue! Only it seemed unnecessary to affront them in
your very first sermon."
"I have been divinely guided, Nance. No considerations of expediency can
deflect me now. This _had_ to be! I admit that I had my hour of
temptation--but that has gone, and thank God my integrity survives it."
"Oh, how much bigger you are than I am, dearest!" She looked down at him
proudly as she stood close to his side, smoothing the tawny hair. Then
she laid one finger along his lips and made the least little kissing
noise with her own lips--a trick of affection learned in the early days
of their love. After a little she stole from his side, leaving him with
head bent in prayerful study--to be herself alone with her new
assurance.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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