CASE 5.--This is a typical example of the primary awakening of the
contrectation impulse, and the secondary superposition of the phenomena
of detumescence. The patient is a man thirty-two years of age, somewhat
neurasthenic, but, as far as I could ascertain, free from any other
morbid manifestations. "At the age of seven I went to school; at first
to a private school, in which little boys and girls were co-educated. In
our playtime also the sexes were not separated; the girls came as
friends to my house, and I visited them at theirs. Soon I became
especially intimate with one of the girls; we did our lessons together.
Thus it went on until I was nine years old, when I went to a school for
boys only. My friendship with the girl at the other school persisted,
however; we met from time to time, and all the more readily because a
friendship had sprung up between our respective parents; they used to
make holiday journeys together, and we children went with them. From the
time when we were first at school together, this girl had always been
more dear to me than the others, I do not know what it was in her by
which I was particularly charmed. Was it that her general appearance
seemed sympathetic to me; was it her abundant fair hair, her clear blue
eyes, or her frank and natural manner? I do not know. But I remember
quite distinctly that this same girl was a favourite with the other boys
also, that they preferred to play with her, to have her as their
companion. But it was to me that the girl, and perhaps her parents also,
gave the preference. There was never any impropriety in our mutual
relations; indeed, it is probable that I loved her too much for anything
of the kind to be possible. Every night, before I went to sleep, I
prayed to God to watch over this girl. As I have said before, my
fondness was reciprocated; we often spoke to one another about our love,
and of our dreams of the happy days to come, when we should be grown up,
and should become man and wife. This was quite a settled matter; we had
arranged every detail, how the wedding should be conducted, and whom we
should invite to the ceremony. With this girl I shared all my
possessions, although before I knew her I had been considered
close-fisted. I was often angry when in games with the other girls she
failed to win. In a word I can truthfully declare that I have hardly
ever since loved so fondly and so sincerely as I did then. When I went
to the boys' school, it was no longer possible for us to be together as
much as before. Thus it came to pass, that the less we saw of one
another, the less were my thoughts occupied with this girl. But I cannot
remember that my fondness for her was ever replaced by a similar passion
for a boy; nor, speaking generally, can I recall having ever at any time
had any kind of sexual inclination towards one of my own sex. I would
not venture absolutely to deny that this ever occurred; but, bearing in
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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