Fantasy fiction; Science fiction; Spouses -- Fiction; Subconsciousness -- Fiction
"Now, look here," Toffee said kindly. "There's no reason to go on like
this. I'll tell you what. Why can't we all cooperate in this thing? We
want food and you want to throw us out. Why don't we just compromise?
We'll take a table and eat and then we'll let you throw us out. You
can make a terrible scene, and we won't say a word." She turned to the
Blemishes. "That's fair, isn't it?"
"Oh, very," Cecil said enthusiastically. "We're wonderful at being
thrown out. We act cowardly as anything, we snivel."
"Oh, we snivel beautifully!" Gerald confirmed.
"Fine," Toffee said. "Why don't you do a little sniveling right now?
Just show the gentleman what he can expect. It's bound to cheer him up."
* * * * *
Together the Blemishes descended to their knees beside the sobbing
maitre de. Then, contorting their faces into expressions of despicable
self-abasement, they began to make small damp sounds of cowardly
beseechment. Tears began to course down their faces and into their
beards. Slowly, the maitre de raised his head and looked around. Then
with a cry of purest horror he leaped to his feet and bolted from the
room as though pursued by a thousand devils.
"I quit!" he screamed as he disappeared in the direction of the
kitchen. "I go back to the automat!"
"Poor man," Toffee murmured. "Definitely the ulcerous type." She turned
to the sniveling Blemishes. "Stop that awful noise and get up."
Marc struggled forward under the weight of the urn. "I can't hold out
much longer," he said.
Supremely unaffected by the horrified silence which had fallen over the
room, Toffee turned, surveyed the table accommodations, and sighted a
place in the center of the room.
"Follow me, men," she said.
As the strange party made its way to the middle of the room in sedate
silence, heads turned everywhere to follow its progress. Marc just made
it to the edge of the table. Toffee and the Blemishes seated themselves
as though their arrival had been accomplished in a completely orderly
manner. The Blemishes, in a formal mood, didn't bother removing their
hats.
"What about me?" Marc gasped. "Am I supposed to hold this thing in my
lap?"
Toffee studied his predicament through thoughtful, half-closed lids.
"No," she murmured, "you couldn't do that." She glanced around, at
the Wyman's markedly heavy silverware. She promptly picked up her own
place setting and dropped it in Marc's pockets. The Blemishes quickly
followed suit.
A moment later Marc's pockets fairly bulged with purloined silver. The
other diners looked on with awed fascination.
"Have you ever seen anything so flagrant?" a woman at an adjoining
table whispered. "I've heard of people stealing a knife or fork for a
souvenir, but ... well ... cleaning out the whole table!"
"Even the salt and peppers," her companion observed, half with
admiration. "Before they get through there'll be nothing left of this
hotel but the hollow shell."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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