His comprehension had arrested the recoil. And now the magnanimity she
felt in him, the tragic force of the love he had seen barred from her
forever, set free in her something greater than compassion and deeper
than little loyalties, deeper than the lesser aspects of her own deep
love. It was that love itself that seemed, with an expansion of power,
to encircle all life, all need, all sorrow, and to find joy in
sacrificing what was less to what was greater.
He saw the change that, in its illumined tenderness, shut away his
craving heart yet drew him near for the benison that it could grant, and
as she said to him, “No, Jim, he shall not rob you,” his arms went round
her.
She shut her eyes to the pain there must be in enduring his passion of
gratitude; but, though he held her close, kissing her cheeks, her brow,
her hair, it was with a surprising, an exquisite tenderness.
The pain that came for her was when,--pausing to gaze long into her
face, printing forever upon his mind the wonderful memory of what she
could look like, for him--he kissed her lips; it came in a pang of
personal longing; in a yearning, that rose and stifled her, for other
arms, other kisses; and, opening her eyes, she saw, an ironic answer to
the inner cry, Gavan’s face outside, turned upon her in an instant of
swift passing.
Grainger had not seen. He did not speak another word to her. The kiss
upon her lips had been in farewell. He had had his supreme moment. He
let her go and left her.
V
Gavan came up from the burn, restless and dissatisfied.
He had wanted solitude, escape; but when he was alone, and walking
beside the sun-dappled water, the loneliness weighed on him and he had
seemed to himself walking with his own ghost, looking into eyes familiar
yet alien, with curiosity and with fear. Was it he or that phantom of
the solitude who smiled the long, still smile of mockery?
How he wanted something and how he wanted not to want; to be freed from
the intolerable stirring and striving within him, as of a maimed thing,
with half-atrophied wings, that could never rise and fly to its goal. It
was last night that had wakened this turmoil, and as he walked his
thought turned and turned about those moments under the dazzling sky
when he had found her hand in the fringes of her shawl.
He knew that there had been a difference in the yielding of her hand, as
he had known, in his own helpless stretching out for it in the darkness,
another impulse than that of childlike tenderness. It had been as if
some deep, primeval will beneath his own had stretched his hand out,
searching in the dark; and with the strange blissfulness of so standing
with her beneath the stars, there came a strange, new fear, as though he
no longer knew himself and were become an automaton held by some
incalculable force.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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