It was not a radiant night. The trees and the long undulations of the
moorland melted into the sky, making all about a sea of enveloping
obscurity. The moor might have been the sky but for its starlessness;
and there were few stars to-night, and these, large and soft, seemed to
float like helpless expanded flowers on a still ocean.
A night for wandering griefs to hide in, to feel at one with, and, with
an instinct that knew that it sorrowed but hardly knew that it sought,
Gavan went on around the house, through the low door in the garden wall,
and into the garden.
Here all the warmth and perfume of the summer day seemed still to exhale
itself in a long sigh like that of a peaceful sleeper. Earth, trees,
fruit, and flowers gave out their drowsy balms. Veiled beauty, dreaming
life, were beneath, above, about him, and the high walls inclosed a
place of magic, a shadow paradise.
He walked on, past white phlox, white pansies, and white foxglove,
through the little trellis where white jasmine starred its festoons of
frail, melancholy foliage, and under the low boughs of the small,
gnarled fruit-trees. Near the summer-house he paused, looking in at the
darkness and seeing there the figures of the past--two children at play.
His heart ached on dully, the smoldering sorrow rising neither to
passionate regret nor to passionate longing, acquiescing in its own
sorrow that was part of the vision. Moved by that retrospect, he stepped
inside.
The sweet old odor, so well remembered, half musty, half fresh, of
cobwebbed wood, lichened along the lintels and doorway beams, assailed
him while he groped lightly around the walls, automatically reaching out
his hand to the doll’s locker, the little row of shelves, the low,
rustic bench and the table that, he remembered as it rocked slightly
under his touch, had always been unsteady. All were in their old,
accustomed places, and among them he saw himself a ghost, some
sightless, soundless creature hovering in the darkness.
The darkness and the familiar forms he evoked from it grew oppressive,
and he stepped out again into the night, where, by contrast with the
uncanny blindness, he found a new distinctness of form, almost of color,
and where a memory, old and deep, seemed to seize him with gentle,
compelling hands, in the fragrance of the white roses growing near the
summer-house. Wine-like and intoxicating, it filled the air with magic;
and he had gone but a few steps farther when, like a picture called up
by the enchantment, he saw the present, the future too, it seemed, and,
with a shock that for all its quiet violence was not unexpected, stood
still to gaze, to feel in the one moment of memory and forecast all his
life gathered into his contemplation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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