“I’m glad that you saw it so; but all the same, the truth, at times,
hasn’t been beautiful. I have, often, been too indifferent toward people
who didn’t count for me, and too diplomatic toward those who did. You
see, Gavan,” she put it placidly before him, not at all as if drawing
near in confidence,--she was much further in her confidences than in her
memories,--but merely as if she unrolled a map before him so that he
might clearly see where, at present, they found themselves, “you see, I
am a nearly penniless girl--just enough to dress and go about. Of course
if I didn’t dress and didn’t go about I could keep body and soul
together; but to the shrewd eyes of the world, a girl living on her
friends, making capital of her personality, while she seeks a husband
who will give her the sort of place she wants--oh, yes, the world isn’t
so unfair, either, when one takes off the veils. And this girl, with the
personality that pays, was put early in a place from where she could see
all sorts of paths at once, see the world, in its ladder aspect, before
her--all the horridness of low rungs and all the satisfaction of high
ones. I have been tempted through complexity of understanding; perhaps I
still am. One wants the best; and when one doesn’t see clearly what the
best is, one is in danger of becoming ugly. But echoes are often
distorting.”
Miss Gifford was now very fully before him, as she had evidently
intended to be. It was as if she herself had drawn between them the
barrier of the footlights and as if, on her chosen stage, she swept a
really splendid curtsey. And this frank and panoplied young woman of the
world was far easier to deal with than the reminiscent Eppie. He could
comfortably smile and applaud from his stall, once more the mere
spectator--easiest of attitudes.
“The echoes, on the whole, were rather magnificent, as if an Amazon had
galloped across mountains and left them calling her prowess from peak to
peak.”
Her eyes, quickly on his, seemed to measure the conscious artificiality,
to compare it with what he had already, more helplessly, shown her. He
felt his rather silly deftness penetrated and that she guessed that the
mountain calls had not at all enchanted him. She owned to her own
acuteness in her next words:
“And you don’t like young ladies to gallop across mountains. Well, I
love galloping, though I’m sorry that I leave over-loud echoes. You, at
all events, are noiseless. You seem to have sailed over my head in an
air-boat. It was hard for me to keep any trace of you.”
“But I don’t at all mean that I dislike Amazons to have their rides.”
“Let us talk of you now. I have had an eye on you, you know, even when
you disappeared into the Indian haze; you had just disappeared when I
first came to London. I only heard of lofty things--scholarly
distinction, diplomatic grace, exquisite indifference to the world’s
prizes and to noisy things in general. It’s all true, I can see.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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