The Shadow of the PastYoung, F. E. Mills (Florence Ethel Mills)
Philosophy
The Shadow of the Past
Young, F. E. Mills (Florence Ethel Mills)
South African War, 1899-1902 -- Fiction; Triangles (Interpersonal relations) -- Fiction
She did not add that besides her reluctance to take his tip, she had
desired to make him recognise her--had wanted to prove to her own
satisfaction whether his former omission was intentional or merely the
accident he now assured her it had been. She had believed it to be
accidental, but at the back of her mind there had lingered a doubt; and
the doubt hurt.
"I don't want you to take tips from any one," he said. "Promise me...
I don't like the thought of your being offered tips. I don't like to
think of your serving people. It's ridiculous, perhaps, but I would
rather you were still in attendance on that immoral old woman. She was
an immoral old woman. I'd like to tell her how her conduct strikes an
outsider."
"I prefer the cafe," Brenda said. "At least, there's a mental freedom.
Often I am tired, and frequently I am annoyed; but there's a sort of
liberty... After all, liberty is the best thing in life. And it's good
to get home at night-time," she added on a softened note.
Home consisted of one room, but in that room her mother waited for her,
and that meant everything.
"On the whole," he said lightly, "you're a lucky person. I get off at
night, but I can't get home. There's the ocean between me and all the
home I ever knew."
He described his home to her briefly, and his parentless childhood.
"One day I hope to make a home of my own," he finished reflectively, and
after a brief pause proceeded to unburden himself of his ambitions to
her in much the same words as he had confided them to Macfarlane. Then,
drawing on his imagination, he enlarged and elaborated his schemes,
almost forgetting his audience in the pleasure of thinking out and
developing his views of life, evolved in the first instance from Nel's
opinions.
She listened in an attentive silence, which she did not break when he
ceased talking. For the life of her she could find nothing to say. It
sounded so coldblooded this deliberate purpose of marriage for certain
ends, with a definite idea of colonisation, and no thought, it seemed to
her, of love or the needs of the girl he would single out for his
purpose. She felt the keen breath of disappointment chilling her liking
for him.
"You don't say anything," he observed, slightly aggrieved. "I don't
believe you are the least interested. You don't enter into the spirit
of Empire building."
She was looking away, seaward, and the moonlight, falling upon her face,
lent it a strange pallor, and revealed the soft roundness of its outline
and the shadowed mystery of her eyes. Quietly, and very deliberately
she turned her face towards him, and he noticed when she moved the
quick, nervous beat of a tiny pulse in the bare white throat, and the
faint, half-wistful smile that curved the parted lips.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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