The Shadow of the PastYoung, F. E. Mills (Florence Ethel Mills)
Philosophy
The Shadow of the Past
Young, F. E. Mills (Florence Ethel Mills)
South African War, 1899-1902 -- Fiction; Triangles (Interpersonal relations) -- Fiction
But Matheson, though he had no doubt of Brenda's love, was not so
confident of winning her as her mother believed. In all the weeks of
their renewed friendship he had not uttered one word of love to her, had
attempted none of those affectionate familiarities he had practised
during the early days of their acquaintance. The kiss she had given him
in the road at their first parting was the only kiss he had received
from her. Something in the girl's manner silenced him.--It may have
been that the mere knowledge that she loved him, acted as a restraint;
possibly too the lukewarm quality of his own desires caused him to
hesitate ere taking the irrevocable step he contemplated. He was sure
of the girl's love, but he could not feel positive as to her answer.
Nor was he satisfied that perfect happiness would result from an
alliance based on such inequalities of affection. She had set this
doubt working in his mind, and he was powerless to determine it, or to
put it aside. The matter occasioned him endless thought and worry.
At times he felt like taking the plunge and leaving the doubts to
resolve themselves; and then her quiet face, with the earnest eyes lit
with love for him, gave him pause, and he decided to wait and allow the
friendship to develop. Already it had grown deep enough to make him
conscious of his need of her. The idea of letting her drop out of his
life again was altogether unthinkable. She was necessary to him. He
did not understand it, but he realised it perfectly. Out of the odd
confection of human emotions that swayed him, his dependence on Brenda,
even the inconsistent urgency of his requirement of her love, stood out
and dominated the rest. He wanted her; he had no longer any doubt about
that.
And yet when he was alone, and at night-time, it was seldom of Brenda he
thought Even when he was with her the memory of Honor thrust between
them, a beautiful, intangible obstruction keeping them apart.
The time came when he felt the necessity to talk to her about Honor. He
did not stop to consider whether it was wise to do so; something
impelled him to speak of this matter which alone formed a bar to their
complete understanding. He could not, he found, ask Brenda to marry him
without confiding to her something of that part of his life the
influences of which intervened between them.
It was on a Sunday afternoon that Matheson chose to unburden himself.
He took Brenda to see the Rhodes' Memorial--the fine unfinished work of
Watts, emblematic of Rhodes' unfinished work--for that matter,
emblematic of the unfinished work of any human span.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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