The Shadow of the PastYoung, F. E. Mills (Florence Ethel Mills)
Philosophy
The Shadow of the Past
Young, F. E. Mills (Florence Ethel Mills)
South African War, 1899-1902 -- Fiction; Triangles (Interpersonal relations) -- Fiction
It is a sad moment in a woman's life when she realises that she does not
possess the heart of the man she loves. If one may use a sordid simile
in this connexion, her position resembles that of the owner of a
beautiful home in possession of which the bailiff has been placed
through the indiscretion of another. In this instance Honor was in
possession with full power to hold, and without personal interest in the
value of what she held, and what she would never claim for her own. But
her right robbed the other of all the joy of ownership. An empty jewel
casket has little intrinsic value, and stands only as a reminder of the
precious thing it was intended to contain.
It was impossible for Brenda to hide altogether from Matheson the
difference which his confidence had made to her. She endeavoured to
maintain their former relations of pleasant and intimate comradeship,
but he detected behind the assumed brightness of her manner the
increasing restraint, the shy reserve, beneath which she sought to cloak
her feelings, and the pain of her disappointment. He realised with
considerable dismay that his matrimonial plans were in danger of further
defeat. The fear of defeat goaded him and gave a keener edge to his
desire. He could not, he found on making the attempt, reconcile himself
to the thought of losing her. For one entire, unforgettable week he
refrained from going near her. He had no means of discovering whether
she missed him, but he missed her almost intolerably. In the end he
threw over his resolves and went in search of her.
Again it was on a Sunday that he sought her after his brief avoidance.
On the previous afternoon he had been at the Aplins. Something he heard
there stripped his last scruple from him and determined him to see
Brenda on the morrow. Mrs Aplin had pressed him to stay to dinner, and
he had stayed; he did not know why; he had not wished to, and he had
demurred on account of being in flannels. They waived the matter of
dressing. No one would dress, Mrs Aplin announced; the girls would
merely change their blouses.
The change had been somewhat elaborate, and only stopped short of being
full evening dress. Instead of rousing his admiration, as had been
intended, it kept alive a consciousness of his own negligent attire,
which did not add to his enjoyment. He had never felt so unutterably
bored with the inconsequent chatter of Rosie, nor more annoyed with
May's noisy performance on the piano. She sang popular songs with
choruses in which every one joined; and when this form of amusement
wearied they all repaired to the billiard-room, just to knock about the
balls, Mrs Aplin said, beaming, thoroughly satisfied, having started
the young people playing games, that they were having a good time.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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