The Shadow of the PastYoung, F. E. Mills (Florence Ethel Mills)
Philosophy
The Shadow of the Past
Young, F. E. Mills (Florence Ethel Mills)
South African War, 1899-1902 -- Fiction; Triangles (Interpersonal relations) -- Fiction
"God! how it blows!" he cried. He drew her to the sofa, and seated
himself beside her.
"I'm not in the way, am I? You weren't lying down?"
"No." She laughed brightly. "I don't do those nice reposeful things
even on a Sunday afternoon. Mother is resting though, and I imagine
every one else in the house. There is nothing much to do with a black
south-easter blowing."
"We won't disturb them," he said, and smiled at her. "I am needing at
the moment only you. You don't mind if I stay?"
She looked surprised at this question, and answered in the negative.
"You've made me dependent on you somehow," he explained. "I've never
felt so intolerably lonely as during this past week. You ought not to
teach me to rely on you and then send me into banishment. It isn't
kind."
"But," she protested quickly, a soft amazement in her voice, "I never
suggested that I didn't wish to see you."
"I know," he said, "but..."
He paused, and regarded her fixedly. Their eyes met for a moment; then
she turned her gaze from his deliberately and looked out through the
window, an expression of distressed embarrassment sweeping over her
face. He stretched an arm along the back of the sofa behind her and
leaned slightly towards her.
"That isn't enough," he said--"not as things stand. You see, I can't
always have your comradeship that way. The time will come--it's
approaching now--when my work will take me away from here. What's the
good of friendship then? When I go, I'll miss you--as I have missed you
this week. I can't face it. I've grown to want you. I want to keep
you with me. There's only one way to do that, and I'm not sure you'll
agree to it. Had I been sure I'd have said all this weeks ago. But
you... you haven't let me somehow. You've held me off. And since that
day at the Monument I've been conscious of--a sort of estrangement. You
made me feel that I haven't enough to offer--"
"No," she interrupted sharply. "Surely not that?"
The tears rose in her eyes: slowly they overflowed and rolled down her
cheeks. She made no effort to stay them. She sat still with her face
averted and wept silently.
"I'm a clumsy fool," he said; "I hurt you without intending it. And
you're so sweet and kind... Dear, if you will marry me I will do
everything a man can do to make you happy."
Never one word of love! ... Not one word of love had he ever let fall
in all their talks together. She dropped her quivering face suddenly
between her hands to hide its sorrow from him.
"All that I have to give is yours," she whispered--"everything... If
all my love can help you just a little I will be glad. I've loved you--
from that first morning when you spoke to me on the beach."
He put his arms about her and drew her close and held her, still
weeping, with her face hidden upon his shoulder--giving all of herself
to him, taking the little that he offered, because she was a woman in
love who must have denied the crumbs of his affection.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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