The Shadow of the PastYoung, F. E. Mills (Florence Ethel Mills)
Philosophy
The Shadow of the Past
Young, F. E. Mills (Florence Ethel Mills)
South African War, 1899-1902 -- Fiction; Triangles (Interpersonal relations) -- Fiction
His thoughts crystallised round her while he rode. He attempted to get
a clearer insight into her mind. To grasp her point of view, and that
of other Boers who thought and felt as she did, seemed to him essential
in order to live harmoniously with these people. But her outlook was so
circumscribed, so amazingly egotistical. This grievance was like every
other thing which becomes a personal matter--a cult narrowed down to
pettiness, which alienates even its sympathisers by the selfishness of
its aims. He failed to understand how a beautiful nature could become
corrupted by bitterness. It spoilt her, as all abnormal qualities must
spoil what is simple and direct.
Honor brought her head round presently and met the eyes which he turned
in response to her movement from the contemplation of steel-blue
distances seen between his horse's ears, to fix them upon her face.
"You came out in search of truth," she said, with a suggestion of irony
in her tones. "Have you found it?"
"No," he answered bluntly. "How can I find what you refuse to show me?"
She flushed brightly and made no answer. After a moment or so he said:
"I think you are a little vexed that I asked you to ride alone with me
this morning."
"No," she contradicted quickly, "no. There is no reason why I should
not wish to ride with you. The first ride we took was at my suggestion.
I have taken pleasure in watching your interest."
Matheson felt while he looked at her that he had never been so baffled
by any one in his life; her psychology was altogether beyond his
understanding. On the whole he enjoyed that ride, though what
constituted the enjoyment he would have been at a loss to explain.
Possibly the assurance he felt, even in the moment of her annoyance,
that despite her prejudices she realised, perhaps admitted to herself,
that he had a hold upon her which threatened to weaken those carefully
fostered antagonisms, was a sufficient satisfaction. He was certain of
her interest in himself, and this gave him unbounded pleasure. His
reciprocal interest was advancing with amazing rapidity. One soft look
from those eyes which held a smile in them would cause him a thrill of
happiness such as he had never known before. She excited him. Also her
influence set stirring within him the beginning of a new responsibility
which had for its ultimate object the complete reconciliation of her
people with his own. It was unthinkable that Honor and he should remain
enemies. The two races had buried their grievances and become united.
But there were factions on both sides which remained outside the Union.
He hated to think of Honor placed in one of these camps of
irreconcilables. She was altogether too fine for that company. That
sort of thing, racial jealousy, was what the undereducated man and woman
mistook for patriotism. It is the lowest intelligences which keep alive
the sense of injury.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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