The Shame of Motley: being the memoir of certain transactions in the life of Lazzaro Biancomonte, of Biancomonte, sometime fool of the court of PesaroSabatini, Rafael
History
The Shame of Motley: being the memoir of certain transactions in the life of Lazzaro Biancomonte, of Biancomonte, sometime fool of the court of Pesaro
“Faithful heart,” she murmured. “And I had used you so cruelly for the
deception you practised. But you merited my cruelty, did you not,
Lazzaro? Say that you did, else must I perish of remorse.”
“Perhaps I deserved it, Madonna. But perhaps not so much as you
bestowed, had you but understood my motives,” I said unguardedly.
“If I had understood your motives?” she mused. “Aye, there is much I do
not understand. Even in this night’s transactions there are not wanting
things that remain mysterious despite the explanations you have
supplied me. Tell me, Lazzaro, what was it led you to suppose that I
still lived?
“I did not suppose it,” I blundered like a fool, never seeing whither
her question led.
“You did not?” she cried, in deep surprise; and now, when it was too
late, I understood. “What was it, then, induced you to lift the
coffin-lid?”
“You ask me more than I can tell you,” I answered, almost roughly. “Do
you thank God, Madonna, that it was so, and never plague your mind to
learn the ‘why’ of it.”
She looked at me with eyes that were singularly luminous.
“But I must know,” she insisted. “Have I not the right? Tell me now:
Was it that you wished to see my face again before they gave me over to
the grave?”
“Perhaps it was that, Madonna,” I answered in confusion, avoiding her
glance. Then—“Shall we be going?” I suggested fiercely. But she never
heeded that suggestion.
She spoke as if she had not heard, and the words she uttered seemed to
turn me into stone.
“Did you love me then so much, dear Lazzaro?”
I swung round to face her now, and I know that my face was white—whiter
than hers had been when I had beheld her in her coffin. My eyes seemed
to burn in their sockets as they met hers. A madness overtook me and
whelmed my better judgment. I had undergone so much that day through
grief, and that night through a hundred emotions, that I was no longer
fully master of myself. Her words robbed me, I think, of my last
lingering shred of reason.
“Love you, Madonna?” I echoed, in a voice that was as unlike my own as
was the mood that then possessed me. “You are the air I breathe, the
sun that lights my miserable world. You are dearer to me than honour,
sweeter than life. You are the guardian angel of my existence, the
saint to whom I have turned morning and evening in my prayers for
grace. Do I love you, Madonna—?”
And there I paused. The thought of what I did and what the consequences
must be rushed suddenly upon me. I shivered as a man shivers in
awaking. I dropped on my knees before her, bowing my head and flinging
wide my arms.
“Forgive, Madonna,” I cried entreatingly. “Forgive and forget. Never
again will I offend.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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