The Shield of LoveFarjeon, B. L. (Benjamin Leopold)
General
The Shield of Love
Farjeon, B. L. (Benjamin Leopold)
English fiction -- 19th century
"'She spoke no word that I could hear. She passed away with her lips
to her mother's face. "I am glad my Clair has gone first," your wife
said. "It would have pained me to leave her alone in this cruel world.
She is safe now; she has not lived to have her heart broken. She is
waiting for me, and I shall join her soon--very soon!" I remained with
her to the last. Believe me when I say I would have written to you had
she not bound me by a solemn obligation which I dared not break. She
demanded an oath from me, and to ease her aching heart I gave it. I
could not, I could not refuse her. She died on the following day. Your
wife and child lie in one grave.'
"'Where?' I found voice to ask.
"'I dare not tell you. Not for any worldly consideration will I be
false to the dead. Again she made me swear that absolute secrecy
should be preserved as to her last resting-place. "I should not rest
in my grave," she said, "if my husband stood above it." I implore you
not to press me, for I will not, I cannot be false to my trust. Alas,
that I should be compelled to say this to the friend of my youth! You
know the worst now. There is nothing more to tell.'
"It was just; it was what I had earned. Of what avail would tears have
been, shed over the cold earth that covered the forms of my wife and
child? I had tortured them for years, and I was justly punished.
"'She sent me no message?' I asked, after a long pause.
"'None; and she made no distinct complaint against you. All that she
said was that her heart was broken, and that she left the world
gladly. It is the saddest of news, but we reap as we sow.'
"I acknowledged it. As I had sown, so had I reaped. What better
harvest could I have expected? Desolate and alone I stood upon the
shore, without kith or kin. It was with a stern satisfaction that I
thought I should not remain long on earth. It was truly my impression
at that time; I had the firmest belief that my hours were numbered.
"'You will make no attempt,' said my friend, 'to discover where they
are laid?'
"'Her wishes shall be respected,' I said gloomily. 'I could have
brought no comfort to her or to my child had they lived. I will not
disturb them now they are gone.'
"'It is due from you, I think,' he said, and presently added, 'What
will you do now?'
"'With my life?' I asked; and then I told him what I believed, that I
had not long to live. 'But for the short time that yet remains to me I
cut myself entirely away from all personal associations with men and
women whom I have known. I renounce even the name I bear, to avoid
recognition, and shall assume another. I am as one who has died, and
who commences life anew. If by my actions during the days that yet may
be mine I can atone in some small measure for the guilt that lies upon
my soul, such atonements shall be made. It is likely I may not reside
in England; the recollections that would force themselves upon me
there would be too painful to bear.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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