The prospect that he saw before him as he sat staring vacantly at the
floor of the little cell was black enough. He saw no possible outlet,
and he had not the courage to force his way through the barriers erected
all round him. It must be remembered that he was a Roman Catholic, and
over a sincere disciple of the Mother Church the power of the Jesuits is
greater than man should ever be allowed to exercise. The slavery that
England fought against so restlessly is nothing to it, for mental
bondage is infinitely heavier than physical service. He had determined
to accept the Provincial's offer of missionary work in Asia, but the
sudden horror of realising that he was a Jesuit, and could never be
anything else than a Jesuit for the rest of his days, was fresh upon
him. He was too young yet to find consolation in the thought that he at
all events could attempt to steer a clear, unsullied course through the
shoals and quicksands that surround a priest's existence, and he was too
old to buoy himself up with the false hope that he might, despite his
Jesuit's oath, do some good work for his Church. His awakening had been
rendered more terrible by the brilliancy of the dreams which it had
interrupted.
He had not looked upon Christian Vellacott as a victim hitherto, for the
bravest receive the least sympathy, and the young Englishman's cool way
of treating his reverse of fortune had repelled pity or commiseration.
But now all that was changed. Whatever this sickness might prove to be,
René Drucquer felt that the blame of it lay at his own door. If
Christian Vellacott were to die, he, René Drucquer, was in the eyes of
God a murderer, for he had forcibly brought him to his death. This was
an unpleasant reflection for a young devotee whose inward soul was full
of human kindness; and the presence of the strong man who lay gasping
for breath upon the narrow, comfortless bed was not reassuring.
It was only natural that those thoughts, coupled with the realisation of
the aimlessness of his own existence, should have bred in the young
Jesuit's heart a dull fire of antagonism against the man who was in
immediate authority over him, and when the Provincial noiselessly
entered the cell a few minutes later, he felt a sudden thrill of
misgiving at the thought that his feelings were sacred to none--that
this man with his deep, inscrutable eyes could read the face of his very
soul like an open book.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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