The small bachelorWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The small bachelor
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction; Painters -- Fiction; Upper class -- Fiction
Mullett recoiled. The thought that he was being asked to sell his bride
on the very day of their wedding revolted him. Not that he would have
sold her at any time, of course, but being asked to do so on this day
of all days made the thing seem, as Officer Garroway would have said,
so peculiarly stark and poignant.
With a frenzied gesture of abhorrence he slammed the window. He
switched off the light and with agonised bounds reached the kitchen,
where Mrs. Frederick Mullett was standing at the range stirring a welsh
rarebit.
"Hello, sweetie!" cooed his bride, looking up. "I'm just fixing the
rabbit. The soup's ready."
"And we're in it," said Mullett hollowly.
"Why, whatever do you mean?"
"Fanny, where did you go this afternoon?"
"Just down into the country, dearie. I told you."
"Yes, but you didn't tell me what you did there."
"It's a secret for the present, darling. I want to keep it as a
surprise. It's something to do with some money that's coming to us."
Mullett eyed her wanly.
"Fanny, were you doing a job this afternoon down there in the country?"
"Why, Freddy Mullett! What an idea!"
"Then what are the bulls here for?"
"The bulls!"
"There's a female dick out on the roof right now. And she's asking for
you."
Fanny stared, round-eyed.
"Asking for me? You're crazy."
"She said 'I wish to see and question the young woman who is in this
apartment.' Those were her very words."
"I'll take a peek at her."
"Don't let her see you," begged Mullett, alarmed.
"Is it likely!"
Fanny walked composedly to the sitting-room. She felt no concern.
The most comforting possession in the world is, of course, a quiet
conscience: but almost as good is the knowledge that you have left no
tracks behind you. Fanny was positive that, on taking her departure
from the Waddington home at Hempstead that afternoon, she had made
a nice clean getaway and could not possibly have been followed to
this place by even the most astute of female dicks. Mullett, she was
convinced, must have misunderstood this woman, whoever she might be.
She drew the blind aside an inch and looked cautiously out. The
intruder was standing so close to the window that it was possible even
in the uncertain light to get an adequate view of her: and what she
saw reassured Fanny. She returned to her anxious husband with words of
cheer.
"That's no dick," she said. "I can tell 'em a mile off."
"Then who is she?"
"You'd better ask her. Listen, you go and kid her along and I'll sneak
out. Then we can meet somewhere when you're through. It's a shame
having to waste this nice supper, but we'll go to a restaurant. Listen,
I'll be waiting for you at the Astor."
"But if she's not a dick, why not stay where we are?"
"You don't want people knowing that I'm here, do you? Suppose your boss
heard of it, what would he say?"
"That's true. All right, then. Wait for me at the Astor. Though it's
kind of a swell place, isn't it?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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