She had no doubt as to Crosbie's engagement with Lilian Dale, but
she had as little as to his being ashamed of that engagement. Had
he really cared for Miss Dale he would not have left her to come to
Courcy Castle. Had he been really resolved to marry her, he would not
have warded all questions respecting his engagement with fictitious
answers. He had amused himself with Lily Dale, and it was to be hoped
that the young lady had not thought very seriously about it. That was
the most charitable light in which Lady De Courcy was disposed to
regard the question.
It behoved Crosbie to write to Lily Dale before dinner. He had
promised to do so immediately on his arrival, and he was aware that
he would be regarded as being already one day beyond his promise.
Lily had told him that she would live upon his letters, and it was
absolutely necessary that he should furnish her with her first meal.
So he betook himself to his room in sufficient time before dinner,
and got out his pen, ink, and paper.
He got out his pen, ink, and paper, and then he found that his
difficulties were beginning. I beg that it may be understood that
Crosbie was not altogether a villain. He could not sit down and write
a letter as coming from his heart, of which as he wrote it he knew
the words to be false. He was an ungenerous, worldly, inconstant man,
very prone to think well of himself, and to give himself credit for
virtues which he did not possess; but he could not be false with
premeditated cruelty to a woman he had sworn to love. He could
not write an affectionate, warm-hearted letter to Lily, without
bringing himself, at any rate for the time, to feel towards her in an
affectionate, warm-hearted way. Therefore he now sat himself to work,
while his pen yet remained dry in his hand, to remodel his thoughts,
which had been turned against Lily and Allington by the craft of Lady
De Courcy. It takes some time before a man can do this. He has to
struggle with himself in a very uncomfortable way, making efforts
which are often unsuccessful. It is sometimes easier to lift a couple
of hundredweights than to raise a few thoughts in one's mind which at
other moments will come galloping in without a whistle.
He had just written the date of his letter when a little tap came at
his door, and it was opened.
"I say, Crosbie," said the Honourable John, "didn't you say something
yesterday about a cigar before dinner?"
"Not a word," said Crosbie, in rather an angry tone.
"Then it must have been me," said John. "But bring your case with
you, and come down to the harness-room, if you won't smoke here. I've
had a regular little snuggery fitted up there; and we can go in and
see the fellows making up the horses."
Crosbie wished the Honourable John at the mischief.
"I have letters to write," said he. "Besides, I never smoke before
dinner."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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