Lily had received another letter, and had answered it before Eames
made his promised visit to Allington. He, as will be remembered, had
also had a correspondence. He had answered Miss Roper's letter, and
had since that been living in fear of two things; in a lesser fear of
some terrible rejoinder from Amelia, and in a greater fear of a more
terrible visit from his lady-love. Were she to swoop down in very
truth upon his Guestwick home, and declare herself to his mother and
sister as his affianced bride, what mode of escape would then be left
for him? But this she had not yet done, nor had she even answered his
cruel missive.
"What an ass I am to be afraid of her!" he said to himself as he
walked along under the elms of Guestwick manor, which overspread the
road to Allington. When he first went over to Allington after his
return home, he had mounted himself on horseback, and had gone forth
brilliant with spurs, and trusting somewhat to the glories of his
dress and gloves. But he had then known nothing of Lily's engagement.
Now he was contented to walk; and as he had taken up his slouched
hat and stick in the passage of his mother's house, he had been very
indifferent as to his appearance. He walked quickly along the road,
taking for the first three miles the shade of the Guestwick elms, and
keeping his feet on the broad greensward which skirts the outside of
the earl's palings. "What an ass I am to be afraid of her!" And as he
swung his big stick in his hand, striking a tree here and there, and
knocking the stones from his path, he began to question himself in
earnest, and to be ashamed of his position in the world. "Nothing on
earth shall make me marry her," he said; "not if they bring a dozen
actions against me. She knows as well as I do, that I have never
intended to marry her. It's a cheat from beginning to end. If she
comes down here, I'll tell her so before my mother." But as the
vision of her sudden arrival came before his eyes, he acknowledged to
himself that he still held her in great fear. He had told her that he
loved her. He had written as much as that. If taxed with so much, he
must confess his sin.
Then, by degrees, his mind turned away from Amelia Roper to Lily
Dale, not giving him a prospect much more replete with enjoyment than
that other one. He had said that he would call at Allington before he
returned to town, and he was now redeeming his promise. But he did
not know why he should go there. He felt that he should sit silent
and abashed in Mrs. Dale's drawing-room, confessing by his demeanour
that secret which it behoved him now to hide from every one. He could
not talk easily before Lily, nor could he speak to her of the only
subject which would occupy his thoughts when in her presence. If
indeed, he might find her alone-- But, perhaps that might be worse
for him than any other condition.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account