"I will say nothing about that," he answered; not thinking at that
moment of the Small House, but of the full possession which he had
desired to give to the elder of all the privileges which should
belong to the mistress of Allington,--thinking also of the means by
which he was hoping to repair poor Lily's shattered fortunes. What
words were further said had no great significance, and Mrs. Dale got
herself away, feeling that she had failed. As soon as she was gone
the squire arose, and putting on his great-coat, went forth with his
hat and stick to the front of the house. He went out in order that
his thoughts might be more free, and that he might indulge in that
solace which an injured man finds in contemplating his injury. He
declared to himself that he was very hardly used,--so hardly used,
that he almost began to doubt himself and his own motives. Why was
it that the people around him disliked him so strongly,--avoided him
and thwarted him in the efforts which he made for their welfare? He
offered to his nephew all the privileges of a son,--much more indeed
than the privileges of a son,--merely asking in return that he would
consent to live permanently in the house which was to be his own. But
his nephew refused. "He cannot bear to live with me," said the old
man to himself sorely. He was prepared to treat his nieces with more
generosity than the daughters of the House of Allington had usually
received from their fathers; and they repelled his kindness, running
away from him, and telling him openly that they would not be beholden
to him. He walked slowly up and down the terrace, thinking of this
very bitterly. He did not find in the contemplation of his grievance
all that solace which a grievance usually gives, because he accused
himself in his thoughts rather than others. He declared to himself
that he was made to be hated, and protested to himself that it would
be well that he should die and be buried out of memory, so that
the remaining Dales might have a better chance of living happily;
and then as he thus discussed all this within his own bosom, his
thoughts were very tender, and though he was aggrieved, he was most
affectionate to those who had most injured him. But it was absolutely
beyond his power to reproduce outwardly, with words and outward
signs, such thoughts and feelings.
It was now very nearly the end of the year, but the weather was still
soft and open. The air was damp rather than cold, and the lawns
and fields still retained the green tints of new vegetation. As
the squire was walking on the terrace Hopkins came up to him, and
touching his hat, remarked that they should have frost in a day or
two.
"I suppose we shall," said the squire.
"We must have the mason to the flues of that little grape-house, sir,
before I can do any good with a fire there."
"Which grape-house?" said the squire, crossly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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