John Eames read this letter over twice before he opened that from
Amelia. He had never yet received a letter from Miss Roper; and felt
very little of that ardour for its perusal which young men generally
experience on the receipt of a first letter from a young lady. The
memory of Amelia was at the present moment distasteful to him; and he
would have thrown the letter unopened into the fire, had he not felt
it might be dangerous to do so. As regarded his friend Cradell, he
could not but feel ashamed of him,--ashamed of him, not for running
away from Mr. Lupex, but for excusing his escape on false pretences.
And then, at last, he opened the letter from Amelia. "Dearest John,"
it began; and as he read the words, he crumpled the paper up between
his fingers. It was written in a fair female hand, with sharp points
instead of curves to the letters, but still very legible, and looking
as though there were a decided purport in every word of it.
DEAREST JOHN,--It feels so strange to me to write to you
in such language as this. And yet you are dearest, and
have I not a right to call you so? And are you not my own,
and am not I yours?
Again he crunched the paper up in his hand, and, as he did so, he
muttered words which I need not repeat at length. But still he went
on with his letter.
I know that we understand each other perfectly, and when
that is the case, heart should be allowed to speak openly
to heart. Those are my feelings, and I believe that you
will find them reciprocal in your own bosom. Is it not
sweet to be loved? I find it so. And, dearest John, let me
assure you, with open candour, that there is no room for
jealousy in this breast with regard to you. I have too
much confidence for that, I can assure you, both in your
honour and in my own--I would say charms, only you would
call me vain. You must not suppose that I meant what I
said about L. D. Of course, you will be glad to see the
friends of your childhood; and it would be far from your
Amelia's heart to begrudge you such delightful pleasure.
Your friends will, I hope, some day be my friends.
[Another crunch.] And if there be any one among them, any
real L. D. whom you have specially liked, I will receive
her to my heart, specially also.
This assurance on the part of his Amelia was too much for him,
and he threw the letter from him, thinking whence he might get
relief--whether from suicide or from the colonies; but presently he
took it up again, and drained the bitter cup to the bottom.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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