Crosbie also was thinking of his departure more than he should have
done during Mr. Boyce's sermon. "It's easy listening to him," Mrs.
Hearn used to say of her husband's successor. "It don't give one much
trouble following him into his arguments." Mr. Crosbie perhaps found
the difficulty greater than did Mrs. Hearn, and would have devoted
his mind more perfectly to the discourse had the argument been
deeper. It is very hard, that necessity of listening to a man
who says nothing. On this occasion Crosbie ignored the necessity
altogether, and gave up his mind to the consideration of what it
might be expedient that he should say to Lily before he went. He
remembered well those few words which he had spoken in the first
ardour of his love, pleading that an early day might be fixed for
their marriage. And he remembered, also, how prettily Lily had
yielded to him. "Only do not let it be too soon," she had said.
Now he must unsay what he had then said. He must plead against his
own pleadings, and explain to her that he desired to postpone the
marriage rather than to hasten it--a task which, I presume, must
always be an unpleasant one for any man engaged to be married. "I
might as well do it at once," he said to himself, as he bobbed his
head forward into his hands by way of returning thanks for the
termination of Mr. Boyce's sermon.
As he had only three days left, it was certainly as well that he
should do this at once. Seeing that Lily had no fortune, she could
not in justice complain of a prolonged engagement. That was the
argument which he used in his own mind. But he as often told himself
that she would have very great ground of complaint if she were left
for a day unnecessarily in doubt as to this matter. Why had he rashly
spoken those hasty words to her in his love, betraying himself into
all manner of scrapes, as a schoolboy might do, or such a one as
Johnny Eames? What an ass he had been not to have remembered himself
and to have been collected,--not to have bethought himself on the
occasion of all that might be due to Adolphus Crosbie! And then
the idea came upon him whether he had not altogether made himself
an ass in this matter. And as he gave his arm to Lily outside the
church-door, he shrugged his shoulders while making that reflection.
"It is too late now," he said to himself; and then turned round
and made some sweet little loving speech to her. Adolphus Crosbie
was a clever man; and he meant also to be a true man,--if only the
temptations to falsehood might not be too great for him.
"Lily," he said to her, "will you walk in the fields after lunch?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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