For greenskeeper on the Academy links: Mr. Launmore of Pittsburgh. Nom. by S. C. B. For bugler: Mr. Mescall of Chicago. Nom. by Circle W. For legal counsel: Atty. Frank Lawhead of Detroit. Nom. by H. D. T. For any vacancy: Mr. Void Null of Centralia, Mo. Nom. by E. J. C. * * * Miss Seitsinger is organizing a chorus and glee club in the schools of Northwood, Ia. Yes, very. * * * BUTCHER TO THE ACADEMY. Bill Bull, the Butcher, of Bartlett, Ill., Says: "Trade with me. Cut down your bill." A. G. C. * * * The membership committee of the Academy has received numerous protests against the admission of Charles Ranck, the skunk trapper of Ellsworth, Neb., and J. K. Garlick, the "practical horseshoer" of Sublette, Ill. * * * ACADEMY NOTES. The nominations were considered of Ananias Deeds of Guthrie Center, Ia., and Mrs. Tamer Lyons of Upton, Ind. The Academy then resumed work on the Dictionary of Names. * * * "For goodness' sake!" exclaims Frank Harris in Pearson's, expressing his joy in the growth of Lenine's state, "for goodness' sake let us have new experiments on this old earth." For goodness's sake, let's! But why not have one on a grand scale? Let's dig a hole a mile deep and a mile across, fill it with dynamite, and see whether we can't finish the world in one good bang. * * * "Learned Class of Europe In Hard Straits." They are in hard straits everywhere. The more learned you are, the worse you're off. * * * "Budapest Hungriest of Cities in all Europe."--South Bend Tribune. The headliner must have his little joke. * * * WE DON'T LIKE TO THINK OF IT! [From the Cambridge Review.] Think of the portrait that Rembrandt painted of his mother hanging in the living-room of his parents' simple home. * * * Our blithesome contemporary, F. P. A., is not disturbed by the steel strike, as he uses a gold pen; and for a like reason _our_ withers are unwrung. Eugene Field of fragrant memory used a steel pen. A friend of ours was speaking of having dropped in on the poet just as he was fitting a new pen to the holder. "You can't write anything new," said Field, "unless you have a new pen." * * * THE SECOND POST. [Received by a mail order house.] Dear Sir: The peeaney you shipped me sum time ago come duly recd. My, is we souposed to pay the frate charge onit. When we bot this peeanney you claimed to lie it down to me. I want you two send me quick as hell a receet for 2.29 for same. Besyds the kees on sum dont work a tall. Is them ivory finger boards. Are dealer here sed we got beet on this deel. Wer is the thing you seet on? Is it eeen that box on the platform at the depo? That luks two small for it. Yours truely, etc. P. S.--Wen you rite tel me how two tune it. * * *