The bell had only vibrated softly--a sound like a terrified
breath--but Kate had heard it, although she had fallen asleep in her
chair; not firmly, only dozing a little. She jumped up in terror, it
sounded shrill in her ears. She rushed to the window. Somebody was
leaning against the railing outside. Wolfgang? Yes, yes, it was. But
why did he not open the gate and come in?
What had happened to him? All at once she felt as though she must
call for help--Friedrich! Paul! Paul!--must ring for the maids.
Something had happened to him, something must have happened to him--why
did he not come in?
He leant so heavily against the railing, so strangely. His
head hung down on his chest, his hat was at the back of his head. Was
he ill?
Or had some vagrants attacked him? The strangest ideas shot suddenly
through her head. Was he wounded? O God, what had happened to him?
Fears, at which she would have laughed at any other time, filled her
mind in this hour, in which it was not night any longer and not day
either. Her feet were cold and stiff as though frozen, she could hardly
get to the door; she could not find the key at first, and when her
trembling hands stuck it into the lock, she could not turn it. She was
so awkward in her haste, so beside herself in her fear. Something
terrible must have happened. An accident. She felt it.
At last, at last! At last she was able to turn the key. And now she
rushed through the front garden to the gate; a chilling icy wind like
the breath of winter met her. She opened the gate: "Wolfgang!"
He did not answer. She could not quite see his face; he stood there
without moving.
She took hold of his hand: "Good gracious, what's the matter with
you?"
He did not move.
"Wolfgang! Wolfgang!" She shook him in the greatest terror. Then he
fell against her so heavily that he almost knocked her down, and
faltered, lisped like an idiot whose heavy tongue has been taught to
say a few words: "Beg--par--don."
She had to lead him. His breath, which smelt strongly of spirits,
blew across her face. A great disgust, more terrible than the fear she
had had before, took possession of her. This was the awful thing she
had been expecting no, this was still more awful, more intolerable. He
was drunk, drunk! This was what a drunken man must look like.
A drunken man had never been near her before; now she had one close
to her. The horror she felt shook her so that her teeth chattered. Oh
for shame, for shame, how disgusting, how vulgar! How degraded he
seemed to her, and she felt degraded, too, through him. This was not
her Wolfgang any more, the child whom she had adopted as her son. This
was quite an ordinary, quite a common man from the street, with whom
she had nothing, nothing whatever to do any more.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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