Starting up from the position in which she had been praying she
dragged herself to his bedside. She took his body, which was growing
cold, into her arms and laid it on her breast in her despair, and her
glowing breath passed all over him. She wanted to let all her warmth
stream into him, to hold him fast to this earth with the force of her
will-power. When his breast fought for air, her breast fought too, when
his heart-beat flagged, hers flagged too. She felt that his
coldness was making her cold, that her arms were stiffening. But she
did not let him go. She fought with Death standing at the head of the
bed--who was stronger, Death or her love, the mother's love?
Nobody could get her away from the boy's bed, not even the nurse
whom Dr. Hofmann had sent out when he had at last been compelled to go
to town that afternoon. The nurse and her husband attempted to raise
her by gentle force: "Only an hour's rest, only half an hour's. In the
next room or here on the sofa."
But she shook her head and remained on her knees: "I'm holding him,
I'm holding him."
Evening came on. Then midnight. It had blown a good deal earlier in
the day, but it was very quiet outside now. As quiet as death. There
was no longer any wind to shake the pines around the house; they stood
bolt upright against the clear, frosty sky, their tops as though cut
out of stiff cardboard. The stars blinked mercilessly; the full moon
was reflected on the glittering silvery surface of the frozen lake,
from which the strong wind had swept all the damp snow the day before
and made it clean. A terrible cold had set hi all at once, which seemed
to lay hold of everything with its icy breath.
The watchers shivered with cold. When Paul Schlieben looked at the
thermometer, he was horrified to see how little it registered even in
the room. Was the heating apparatus not in order? You could see your
own breath. Had the servants forgotten to put coals on?
He went down into the basement himself; he could have rung, but he
felt he must do something. Oh, how terribly little you could do. His
wife cowered in the arm-chair in silence now, with large, staring eyes;
the nurse was half asleep, nothing stirred in the room. The boy, too,
was lying as quietly as if he were already dead.
A great dread took possession of the man, as he groped his way
through the dark house. There was something so paralysing in the
silence; all at once everything, the rooms, the staircase, the hall
seemed so strange to him. Strange and empty. How the breath of youth
had filled them with life before, filled them with the whole untamed
thoughtlessness of a wild boy!
He leant heavily on the banisters as he groped his way downstairs.
Would the servants still be up?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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