Now he was talking according to her expectations. She wondered if this
would be the right moment to present him with the revolver. But she
deferred the presentation out of respect for the grandeur and
significance of his new mood.
Taking up the bag with the weapon in it, she clasped it tightly, and
then aired her sentiments with the same enthusiasm as she had done that
night on the terrace.
"Oh, Herr Redlich," she cried, "can there be anything more splendid
than to fight like that--to plunge into the ocean of life, to wrest
happiness from the grim powers of fate, to become ever stronger and
more iron in purpose, no matter how things go against us? Oh, it must
be sublime!"
But, as before, her appeal failed to wake any response in him.
"Good heavens, Fraeulein, when you come to consider it, of what does the
much-vaunted battle of life consist?" he said. "Letting yourself be
trampled on, sleeping in a cold bed in the winter, and getting nothing
for dinner all the year round, I am going to try it, of course, but
it's hard all the same. If I had an income I shouldn't feel so bad."
"And is this all the spirit with which you enter the battle?" asked
Lilly.
"Dear Fraeulein," he replied, "how can a fellow who starts in life with
a few darned shirts and socks, and borrowed money, feel any different?"
"He is the very one who should conquer," Lilly urged, eager to inspire
him with her own confidence. "You, with your consciousness of being
great and different from other people, are bound to carry all before
you."
She waved her arm with an impassioned gesture, which took in the whole
prospect before them: the plain with its silver streams and its green
trees, the city embosomed in its gardens, perched among its meadows
like a lark's nest. She would show him a small symbol of the future
kingdoms over which he was to reign.
He nodded gloomily, convinced that he knew more about it than she did.
"Life is hard--hard," he repeated.
She still did not despair of infecting him with her own ambition for
his future, and in an outburst of eloquence she went on:
"If only I could express what I feel and know is true--if only I could
make you courageous and hopeful.... Look what a pitiable creature I am.
I have neither father nor mother nor friends.... I hadn't even the
chance of staying at school and finishing my education. Here I am,
without position, money, or even winter clothes.... Look at my feet."
She thrust out her shabby boots, which till now she had been careful to
hide beneath her skirt. "I never have enough to eat, and if I am late
home to-day I shall be thrashed. Yet I am certain that somewhere
happiness is waiting for me.... It is there, in every little breeze
that blows in my face--though invisible--in every sunbeam that greets
me. The whole world is made up of happiness, really, and of music....
Everything is a Song of Songs--a Song of Songs is everything."
She turned away from him sharply so that he should not see how moved
she was.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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