"Who feels he is indebted to me because I pumped him for coin," was what
Walter had written. Then there really did exist such touching creatures
in the world.
"But I am most grateful to him for the confidence he showed in me by
bequeathing his betrothed to me, so to speak."
"Betrothed!" The word had been uttered. She had not deceived herself. It
frightened her, but she did not repudiate it. Until that day she had not
even dreamed of considering Walter and herself bound to each other,
neither herself, nor the poor little fellow who did not know how to care
for himself, much less for a wife and child. But then--in the eyes of
this man with his middle-class morals, that was the only justification
for her bungled, ill-regulated existence. And not only in his eyes--in
the eyes of the whole world--and, if she cared, in her own eyes, too. If
she clung to the man who was practically dead to her, fastening upon him
all her wishes and feelings, she would have a support for her entire
being. She could ask for absolution and justification even before God.
All this flashed through her mind with lightning rapidity while Mr.
Dehnicke continued to asseverate his friendship for Walter, and look at
her with his round eyes in undesirous adoration. Finally he came to the
point.
"In his place and for his sake I advise you most urgently to quit
surroundings that do not suit you, and create an environment in keeping
with your past. If you ever wish to realise your plans you will have
to."
"What has my environment to do with my art?" queried Lilly, shrugging
her shoulders.
"Well, in the first place you must have a studio where you can receive
your customers--where you can show them who you are and the extent of
your artistic demands, and what the real nature of your artistic
intentions are. That is the only way of preventing your customers from
treating and paying you like an ordinary worker."
"But the customers don't come to me," she interjected.
"They should come to you," he exclaimed, talking himself into a degree
of eagerness. "An artist with self-respect doesn't take one step outside
his studio to offer his wares for sale. You must treat yourself the same
way."
She mentally calculated the value of the rest of her brooches, rings,
and bracelets, and rejoined with a smile:
"Easily said."
Mr. Dehnicke made a bold sally.
"My sincere friendship for Walter"--now he called him by his first
name--"gives me the right--how shall I say? to make provision, to--"
Lilly saw what was coming and shut off further discussion.
"I feel content where I am," she declared, "and until I have created
with my own efforts the suitable environment that you so kindly wish for
me, I do not feel I am entitled to make a change."
He bowed. His friendly zeal cooled off markedly. But he asked for her
address, so that he might know where he should send her the desired
information.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account